


The Lion Lies Down with the Hawke

by Earlgreyer



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Oral Sex, Romance, men kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 21:38:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12690696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earlgreyer/pseuds/Earlgreyer
Summary: An in-game AU where Garrett Hawke's adventures bring him to Skyhold but his infatuation with a certain former Templar keep him coming back.





	1. Reunion of Sorts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SoManyJacks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoManyJacks/gifts).



> For SoManyJacks. 
> 
> You have no idea how excited I was when I found out I'd be writing for you! And then I got nervous because although I always want to write a good story it's a bit more of a challenge when you're writing for someone you've chatted with! 
> 
> And in typical fashion the story got away from me and it's a chapter thing! I can't write short fiction.
> 
> This was a pairing I'd kicked around in my head, and planned to write at some point, but it wasn't near the top of the list. Now that I've written it I love these two together! So thanks for the pairing suggestion!
> 
> Last note, I promise. Title. Ugh. I suck at titles. This was just something I threw on the doc so it had a name, and then I really couldn't come up with anything else that fit, so it is now the official title, even though I'm not thrilled with it. Oh well.

**Chapter 1**

Garrett watches the Inquisitor climb the stairs, shoulders back, head high. He likes Mahanon and hopes he can use at least some of the information he’s given him, but there’s no telling if any of it will help. He leans against the stone wall of the inner tower and looks out over the upper bailey. The Inquisition has started something good. Something that might actually make a difference in the Mage-Templar war, but that’s not all they need to focus on. Now there’s Corypheus to deal with as well. Garrett rubs his forehead trying to ease the ache behind his eyes. Corypheus is his mess and he should be staying to help clean it up. But Thedas is in just as much danger if they can’t locate the Wardens. The Inquisition is already focused on Corypheus, so now that he’s told Mahanon everything he knows about him, he has his own assignment.

He scans the faces below in the courtyard looking for Bethany who opted to go off and explore Skyhold rather than listen to him drone on about Corypheus. He would have done the same, given a choice. Now that the meeting is over the only thing on his mind is to find her, have a truly hot meal that isn’t rabbit or nug, and sleep for a very long time. They’ll be back on the road soon enough, most likely tomorrow, and he wants to sleep in a real bed for as many hours as he can.

“Put your backs into it! The Red Templars aren’t going to take it easy on you so neither will I! You must practice like you mean it!” 

Garrett’s head snaps to the right and he leans further over the edge trying to see the face he knows must go with that commanding voice. A face he hasn’t seen in years, although it still finds it’s way into his thoughts now and then. There is a flurry of shouts and the clang of metal on metal rings out louder and faster than before. Garrett catches a brief glimpse of blond hair and broad shoulders and his heart rate picks up. He braces his hips against the wall and leans out a bit further, trying to get a better look.

“Hawke, you know you can’t _really_ fly, right?”

He almost topples over the edge in surprise but catches himself with a hand to the outside of the wall. “We almost had a demonstration proving you right.” He pushes back with a half-hearted glare. 

Varric chuckles and leans against the wall next to him, looking into the bailey trying to spy what is so interesting. “Ahhh, so you still have a thing for Curly.”

For as helpful as Varric’s keen observation skills have been in the past, Garrett could do without them now. “I never had a thing for Cullen.” He grins as and leans a hip against the low wall, crossing his arms against his chest. “Sexually repressed mage haters are not my type, devastatingly handsome though they may be. Besides, I’m saving myself for you.”

It’s an old joke between them and Varric nods, playing his part perfectly. “Hawke, I know I’m still irresistible, but you’re too high maintenance for me. And you know I’m spoken for. Anyway, I thought you were with Rivaini. Or did she up and run off again?”

Garrett shrugs. “You know Isabela. Here one moment, gone the next.” He loves Isabela, and she loves him, but what they have will always be temporary and they’re alright with that. “When we see each other again we’ll pick up where we left off, until it’s time to part ways. She heard the call of the sea, and I need to find out what’s happening with the Wardens. Plus,” He winks at Varric. “I’m trying to keep a low profile.”

“Yeah, that isn’t a concept Rivaini embraces.” Varric laughs and claps Garrett on the shoulder. “The Commander, on the other hand. He’s all about low profile. Keeps to himself most of the time. But you’re still good looking, in an abused hero sort of way. I think you might be able to coax him out of his shell.”

“Varric.” Garrett rolls his eyes. “I have a sister who’s an apostate mage, and Cullen’s a Templar. I may be crazy but I’m not stupid.” He seriously thought about it once, though, back in Kirkwall when he was younger and stupider, and was sure what he felt for Cullen could become something significant. Not that Cullen ever gave any indication that he felt that way about him. As is the case with most youthful infatuations, Garrett’s was based on an ideal that didn’t match the reality. Cullen’s honesty and openness to helping the less fortunate and bending some rules had Garrett believing he might look at magic the same way. That idea was thoroughly destroyed as Cullen voiced his views on the many dangers that mages posed, and the best disposition for them. It had been quite a shock to hear tranquility spoken of so directly and without anger or malice. 

Varric shakes his head. “All mages are apostates now, Hawke. And Curly’s not a Templar anymore. He left the order when he joined the Inquisition. He’s not the same guy we knew in Kirkwall. I’ll grant you he’s still a little uptight, maybe even a little irritable, but after the shit he’s been through that’s kinda understandable.”

Garrett shrugs and leans over the wall to try for another glimpse despite his denials. “People don’t change _that_ much, Varric. Not with beliefs held so dearly.” Cullen believed mages were less than human, and the Right of Tranquility a blessing. The memory of that particular overheard comment, delivered freely in the middle of the Kirkwall market, sends a wave of anger through him and quashes anything else he might be feeling.

“All I’m saying is maybe give him a chance to show you himself. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

“Yes, well, it might be just a bit more important to find the missing Wardens, defeat Corypheus, and I don’t know… eat dinner.” Garrett gives Varric his most charming smile. “But don’t worry, I won’t go out of my way to antagonize him. Bethany and I are leaving tomorrow anyway, so staying clear of Cullen for one evening shouldn’t be that difficult.”

Varric shakes his head and grins like he knows about forty reasons Garrett is full of shit, but he keeps them to himself. He pushes off the wall and waves to Garrett as he wanders towards the steps. “Suit yourself, Hawke. Be sure to say goodbye before you leave.”

Garrett gives the courtyard one last look before climbing the stairs. “I’m sure I’ll see you before then. Right now I need to spend some time unconscious in a horizontal position, on something other than the ground, but I’ll be up and around later.” Garrett climbs the stairs and turns left, meandering over the ramparts, taking his time, feeling the weariness he’s been ignoring settle in his bones. The sun feels nice and there’s a gentle breeze and not having to be anywhere in particular feels amazing. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

In hindsight he blames fatigue for being caught off-guard. He’s rammed from the side and slams into a merlon, just barely avoiding falling over a wall for the second time today. Instinctively he drops into a fighting crouch, daggers drawn, ready for a fight. 

“Maker! I’m so sorry! Please, forgive me! I wasn’t looking where I was going. Are you..?” Cullen swallows the rest of the words and stares, hand outstretched, seemingly too stunned to move. “Hawke.”

Garrett straightens and sheaths his daggers, giving himself a once over. “Last I checked, yes. Sorry to disappoint.” His heart is hammering again, but this time he chooses to believe it’s due to almost plummeting to his death and not because Cullen is only a few feet away. 

“No! I mean, yes, you’re Hawke, but I’m not disappointed. Just... surprised. I didn’t know you’d arrived.” Cullen wipes at his brow and Garrett sees his hands shake. “I was…” He motions to the door to his left. “My office, and…” Cullen drops his hands to his sides, clenching the fingers into fists. “Yes, well, I’m sure you were on your way somewhere before I rammed into you. If you’re sure you’re alright.... Please don’t let me keep you.” Cullen turns and yanks open his office door and hurries inside, leaving Garrett to stare after him and try to figure out what just happened. 

“What an ass.” Hawke turns to face the closed door. “Hello, Cullen. So good to see you after so many years. What’s that? Oh, yes, I’m doing about as well as can be expected with a hole in the sky, wardens missing, and a mage-templar war devastating the region. But you’re looking…” Garrett pauses and considers. The last time they saw each other was after the battle in The Gallows courtyard, over Meredith’s red lyrium corpse. Even coated in blood Cullen looked better back then. Now he looks exhausted and agitated.

He knows he’s not looking his best either, even without Varric’s reminder. Time and stress have not been as kind as he’d like. He takes a breath and slowly walks down the steps to the inner bailey, feeling a bit foolish for letting his temper get the better of him, and allowing Cullen throw him off balance. A good meal and a few drinks and he’ll be right as rain. He squares his shoulders and heads for the Herald’s Rest. Ale, Food, Sleep, in that order. Anything else can be dealt with later.

**XXX**

Garrett splashes water on his face, still trying to wake up enough to function properly, feeling like he’s had too much sleep or not enough. He’s been on the road for the past few weeks, returning to Skyhold only that morning. He’d given Mahanon his update and stumbled to his room, barely managing to pull off his boots before falling exhaustedly on top of the bed and passing out for a few hours. It was hunger that finally woke him. 

Before he can go in search of food he needs to clean enough of the road dust and sweat from himself to be presentable. He lathers a cloth and quickly washes in the basin.

There is a quiet but not unexpected knock on the door just as he finishes drying off. He pulls on clean pants and a shirt, and opens the door. Bethany launches herself at him, covering his face in kisses. “You’re a sight for sore eyes!” She hugs him tightly and he can’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. 

“Have they been treating you that poorly here? Should I regret eave you here? Do I need to go play big brother and kick someone’s ass for you?” He is well aware that Bethany is more than capable of taking care of herself, but he loves teasing her.

She kisses his cheek and wiggles out of his embrace, taking one of his hands instead and giving it a little squeeze. “No, everyone has been incredibly friendly, and welcomed me without hesitation. It’s been lovely, actually. Did you know they’ve started construction on a mage tower?”

Garrett’s stomach drops and his heart rate speeds up. “Oh, marvelous. I get you out of The Gallows only to have you end up in a circle here.” He drops her hand and scowls. “This is Vivienne's doing, isn’t it?” He’s mentally going through possible escape routes and she must see it on his face because she takes his hand in both of hers.

“No it’s not going to be a Circle, Garrett. It’s to be a proper place of learning! A college to train mages! I guess it’s like a Circle in that respect, but we’re free to come and go as we like. There will be no Templars keeping us locked away, although they’ll be there during some of the actual magical applications in case something goes wrong. But it’s only as a precaution.” 

Garrett scoffs, shaking his head. “You expect me to believe that The Commander would allow that?” He rolls his eyes and smirks. “You remember what he was like in Kirkwall, Bethany. _The Right of Tranquility would be a blessing!_ Those were his words!” Somewhere along the way he’d begun to raise his voice and was working up to a good shout when Bethany interjected.

“Garrett Malcolm Hawke, do you honestly think I’m an idiot? Do you think I can’t tell when someone is lying?” She slams her hands onto her hips and glares. “Cullen is trying to put that way of thinking behind him. He’s trying to change. I’ve talked to him a few times, Garrett. Maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt.” 

In that moment Bethany looks and sounds so much like their mother it brings him up short. It’s just a flash and it’s gone, but it reminds him of all they’ve lost, and what they have to lose if they don’t stick together. His anger fizzles and he holds up his hands in surrender. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you would be easily fooled. You know I trust your judgement.” 

He tentatively steps toward her and when she rolls her eyes and relaxes her shoulders he pulls her close, hugging her tightly. “I can be an unmitigated ass. I’m sorry.” He rests his cheek against her temple, trying to reconcile the storm of emotions inside him. 

“Yes. You are. Frequently.” 

She sounds less angry and he hopes he’s sidestepped the situation. “It’s a gift.”

She snorts and shoves him gently. “You’re lucky I love you.” He lets out the breath he’s been holding and she takes a step back. “Really, it’s going to be lovely. Mages from all over Thedas will come here to study. We’ll have the finest instructors, and access to the best volumes on magic. The Inquisitor has promised that Dorian will personally instruct a few of the more skilled mages in Necromancy when he’s available!” She looks up at him and her brows dip. “Have you met Dorian Pavus? He’s a highly skilled mage from Tevinter! Incredibly intelligent, and handsome. But don’t take my word for it. I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it himself.” She laughs mischievously and he sees the twinkle in her eye. 

“Oh really?” He grins back at her and sits on the edge of the bed to pull on his boots. “He sounds intriguing.”

She laughs and sits next to him. “Not so fast. There were rumors of something between him and the Inquisitor. Nothing concrete, just speculation based on furtive looks and going out of their way to be near each other.” Her grin gets bigger and she leans in. “The _something_ was confirmed! The last time the Inquisitor left on a mission without Dorian he kissed him goodbye in front of everyone. And it was no peck on the cheek either!” Bethany clapped her hands and held them to her mouth. “Dorian looked quite stunned but pleased. They’re just adorable.”

That’s the moment Garrett realizes that Bethany is truly happy here. She’s making a home, fitting in and finding a place. She’s not worried about being arrested or made tranquil, or where her next meal will come from, and it shows in her smile and the sparkle in her eyes. He feels some of his own burden lift. “Everyone should be so lucky, Bethany. Maybe you will even find someone that makes your heart beat a little faster and put a twinkle in your eye.” Garrett laughs and kisses her temple before stepping back to finish getting dressed. 

“Finding true love during times of great peril is romantic. I think Varric’s secretly writing a book about them, but he won’t confirm it. Not even to me!” 

Garrett notes the blush on her cheeks and wonders at the cause. Or more accurately, who. “You’re glowing, Bethany. Am I going to have to glower at some poor sod and make sure he’s worthy of my sister?”

She doesn’t answer but gives him a small shove and rolls her eyes. “Come on. I’m starving and you’re taking forever. By the time we get to the hall supper will be over.”

Garrett lets her side-step his question and follows her out the door. There isn’t any point in pushing. She’ll tell him when she’s ready. 

It’s only a few minute walk before they’re in the Great Hall, where it seems all of Skyhold has gathered for the evening meal. The Inquisitor and his advisors are seated at the far table closest to the dias, and Varric motions them over. Garrett gently guides Bethany through the maze of tables and nods to a few people he recognizes as they pass. 

“So good to see you again, Hawke. Please, won’t you both join us?” Mahanon stands and smiles, motioning for them to sit. Bethany takes the open place next to Varric. The only other open spot is next to Cullen and somehow Garrett feels as though he’s being set up. He considers giving Bethany a glare but instead he takes a breath and smiles as he seats himself. There are exchanges of greetings and Garrett focuses on filling and then emptying his plate. 

“Cullen, I’m glad you joined us this evening. We see far too little of you at meals.” Mahanon’s words cause a ripple of chuckles around the table. 

“Thank you, Inquisitor. I’m glad that I could find the time to join you this evening.” Cullen is turning all kinds of pink and glances up briefly before looking back at his food. 

“It’s almost as if something has finally pulled you from your lair. I wonder what that could be?” Dorian contemplates his wine as if he’s working through the possible reasons for Cullen’s appearance. 

There is more snickering and Cullen’s blush transforms from a dusky pink to beet red. Garrett looks around the table at everyone trying to hide their smiles with varying degrees of success. The conversation flows to other topics and Garrett follows the discussion, content to listen for now as he consume more of the delicious food. He turns as a hand is placed on his elbow. Cullen quickly pulls his hand back as if he’s been burned. “Hawke, I just wanted to say…” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Cullen’s voice is pitched low and Garrett can barely hear him over the din of the room.

Cullen leans in and places his mouth close to Garrett’s ear. His warm breath and sultry voice are like a slow caress, and if Garrett were to turn his face slightly their lips would be touching. Cullen doesn’t seem to have noticed any of this. Or if he has, it isn’t bothering him. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior during your last visit. I was not at my best.”

It takes Garrett a few moments to focus on something other than how close Cullen is or how easy it would be to kiss him, and he starts to get annoyed with himself. it’s not like Cullen has shown any interest, and there are a million reasons why his own interest in Cullen is a very bad idea. 

The whole concept is ridiculous. Cullen makes him feel off balance, has his thoughts going off in directions better left unexplored, but he can’t seem to help it, or resist it. He leans in a little closer and murmurs into Cullen’s ear. “I guess you’ll just have to make it up to me.” Garrett turns his face just a bit and Cullen is right there, breathing a bit faster than normal, hands clenched in his lap.

“I… That is, um… ” Cullen blushes prettily and rubs the back of his neck. “Maker’s Breath.” He slides back a bit and Garrett fights the urge to close the gap, gut now firmly clenched with worry that he’s making a fool of himself. 

He darts out his hand to grip Cullen’s shoulder, trying to salvage the situation. “Bethany says you play chess. Perhaps we could have a match.” 

Cullen’s eyes light up and he almost smiles. “Yes, Dorian and I have a match most afternoons. Do you play?” 

Garrett takes a breath and tries to relax. “Not for several years. And I was never very good at it.” He reluctantly pulls his hand back. “I’m sure if you’re patient with me I could pick it up again. I won’t be much of a challenge, though.”

“If your chess style is anything like your fighting style I’m sure the matches will be very interesting.” Garrett tries not to smile as Cullen turns bright red. “I mean, effective! You defeated both the Arishok and Meredith with unconventional tactics.” Cullen looks thoroughly panicked and his hands are visibly shaking. He shoves a large bite of bread into his mouth and stares at his plate. 

It takes everything he has to clamp down on his snark, but he know it won’t put Cullen at ease. “I never did thank you for your help back in Kirkwall, with Meredith. Siding with the mages against her couldn’t have been an easy decision for you. But I appreciated it then and now, and would like to thank you.”

There is a flash of surprise on Cullen’s face, and Garrett is embarrassed to see it. Obviously Cullen hadn’t expected a thank you from him, and none of the reasons are very flattering. “You’re welcome.” Cullen sits up a bit taller. “There were so many things I wanted to say after.” He doesn’t need to mention after what. “But I never got the chance. Too much happened too quickly, and then you left Kirkwall, and all but disappeared. No one knew where you’d gone.” Cullen looks across the table at Varric and then down at his plate.

Garrett’s heart does strange things in his chest. Cullen seems to have an ability to throw him off balance and It’s exciting, but mostly he’d just like it to stop. “If you’d like you can say them to me over chess.” Garrett leans in a little. “I promise to be horrible enough that you won’t have to concentrate on the game.” Cullen returns his smile and that’s when Garrett notices the scar over his lip. Without even thinking about it he slides closer and reaches up to trace the puckered skin. “That must have hurt.”

Before Garrett’s fingers make contact Cullen jerks back and looks down. “I’m sorry. If you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of paperwork.” He gestures absently in the direction of his office and stands too quickly, almost stumbling backward. Everyone at the table looks. “Please, excuse me.” Cullen blushes profusely and gives a quick nod to the Inquisitor then hurries between the tables, disappearing through a far door on the left of the hall near the fireplace. 

Garrett feels like he’s been punched in the gut and stares after him. He has no idea what just happened but surely something did. It feels like a whole _lot_ of something, actually. He finally turns to look at Bethany who is grinning like a fool. She and Varric are elbowing each other and even Dorian seems amused. He returns their smiles and shrugs although he’s feeling anything but relaxed. “It would seem Cullen is a very busy man.”

Dorian winks at him takes a sip of his wine. “Yes, well, it was a miracle he joined us at all. I’m sure there must have been a special reason for his appearance tonight.” He salutes Garrett with his glass. “I can’t imagine what it might be.” 

Garrett isn’t willing to jump to conclusions or read much into Dorian’s comment. Cullen has never shown the least bit of interest in him and what happened during dinner could easily be explained away. Garrett made him uncomfortable enough to leave. He silently curses himself for not controlling his impulses but puts on a smile for the rest of the table. “Was it something I said?” 

Varric waves a hand at him. “Ah, you know Curly. He’s easily flustered by anything not expressly written in the Chant of Light. We’re working with him though. He’ll be able to have a regular conversation one of these days, we’re sure of it.”

Garrett doesn’t share their confidence. However, he isn’t going to let them know that. He reaches for the wine decanter and pours himself a generous cupful before slapping a smile on his face and leaning his elbows on the table. “So Varric, what stories have I missed?” 

**XXX**

Garrett closes the door behind him and walks the few paces to the stone steps. He’s quiet, as if it were imperative he not be detected, although he’s merely trying to be considerate. The hour is late and there are people sleeping in nearby rooms. He flings his towel over his shoulder and descends the steps to the main hall, skirting the sides and heading out the front doors in the general direction of the baths. The wash in the basin before dinner was good enough as a temporary measure but he can’t see getting into a clean bed without washing the road from every part of himself first.

He’s also having trouble getting Cullen out of his head. He’d stayed after dinner and talked with Varric and Bethany even though they couldn’t resist teasing him about Cullen. They kept bringing the conversation back to how Cullen’s attitudes have changed. If he’s fair, they made several compelling arguments regarding Cullen’s desire to be more accepting of mages, and it’s given him a lot to think about. He hopes a relaxing soak in the bath will help him sort his thoughts.

The darkness is almost complete, but he knows where he’s going, and as Varric would say, he has _skills_. Insects chirp and animals rustle the underbrush as they scamper into burrows to avoid him. He doesn’t run into any people as he crosses the lower bailey and approaches the door tucked into the wall under the kitchens. It opens easily and closes quietly behind him as he heads down the small hallway towards the glowing lights.

He’s not two feet into the bathing chamber before he stops short. “Cullen!” It’s more of a croak than a spoken word, and he can’t seem to form a coherent thought past that outburst. He’s too focused on Cullen’s naked body, the rivulets of water running down his chest, and his complete and utter lack of embarrassment at his own nudity. 

Garrett looks. He can’t help it. It’s like one of his stray thoughts has been given life and as he takes in Cullen’s broad shoulders and beautifully defined arms all he can think of is how good it would feel to held by them. Cullen’s torso is a work of art, perfectly chiseled peaks and valleys of flexing muscle tapering to narrow hips, and muscular legs that Garrett desperately wants wrapped around him. He manages to stifle a small groan and somehow brings his eyes up to Cullen’s handsome face. 

Thankfully Cullen doesn’t seem to notice. “Hawke. You’re up late. Or early. I usually don’t run into anyone here at this time.” 

Garrett hesitates briefly, debating the pros and cons of turning around and leaving, but he can’t seem to make his feet cooperate. “It’s been a long day and I this was the first free moment I had.” He gestures to the bathing pool. “But if you prefer to be alone I can go. I don’t want to intrude.”

Cullen shakes his head and grabs a towel from the shelf. “No, it’s fine. I was just leaving.”

“You don’t have to rush off on my account.” Garrett walks further into the room, carefully hanging his towel on one of the hooks in the wall. He’s not stupid, or naive. The fluttering in his chest, the uncontrollable desire to smile and touch, to prolong conversations just to keep Cullen near; he knows what a crush feels like. He just hasn’t had one since he was a teenager back in Lothering. He’s been attracted to lots of people since then, and he’s had little problem attracting or keeping someone’s attention for as long as he wanted it. As an adult he’s felt lust frequently, and that and friendship is most of what his relationship with Isabela is. _Was_. He’s momentarily shocked to realize that he’s already started thinking of their arrangement as over.

“Oh, it’s not because of you.” Garrett snaps out of his thoughts by the strain in Cullen’s voice. He looks more closely at his face and even in the dim light he can see there are dark circles under his eyes and pain in his face. “There are lots of reports to review and instructions to send. I need to get back to my office.” Cullen tosses his towel into a bin and puts on pants.

Garrett reaches for the hem of his shirt, slowly peeling it up and over his head, taking the time to turn it rightside out before hanging it on a hook next to his towel. He draws out the movements, subtly flexing muscles, and turns back towards Cullen. “Do you always use the baths in the middle of the night?” He may not be all large muscles and broad chested like Cullen, but he’s muscular in a lithe, lean way best suited to a rogue’s style of fighting, and he knows he’s pleasing to look at. He hopes that Cullen thinks so, and maybe will decide to stay for a bit longer.

Cullen’s soft chuckle echos over the water. “I don’t sleep much, and I enjoy the solitude, so I tend to come here during less busy times.” He reaches for his shirt, but hesitates and Garrett can feel the soft caress of Cullen’s eyes gliding down his chest. He grins to himself, feeling a little victorious, but he’s also barely able to breathe and more than a little hard. 

Something about Cullen’s appearance has him thinking of Kirkwall. It takes a minute to figure it out, but then it hits him and he can’t contain his grin. “There are those curls I remember.” A mass of little golden ringlets frames Cullen’s face rather than the shaped waves from earlier, and Garrett wants to touch them, but he keeps his hands to himself. 

Cullen gives him a look between embarrassment and murder. “Don’t you start too. I’ve given up trying to get Varric to stop calling me Curly. It only seems to encourage him.” Cullen smirks and puts a hand to the back of his neck, mashing the muscles unmercifully. 

Garrett hesitates for a minute and then throws caution to the wind, sure he’s never going to be presented with an opportunity like this again. “Can I help?” 

Cullen looks over, eyebrows drawn together. “I’m sorry?”

“You look like you’re in pain and keeping your arm up like that probably isn’t helping to relax the muscles. I could try to loosen the knots for you.” It’s completely cheesy and juvenile, but everything else Garrett has done has seemed to scare Cullen off and he’s out of ideas. He mentally rolls his eyes at himself, wondering when he’d stopped pretending he wasn’t pursuing anything with Cullen.

Cullen gives him a skeptical look but sits on the bench and turns his back, wordlessly dropping his head forward. Garrett tries to fight down the eagerness swirling in his chest and stands behind Cullen, gently placing his hands on his shoulders. “Tell me if the pressure is too much, or not enough.” He begins to knead the tight muscles, trying to focus on being helpful and not on seduction. Not that he was remotely sure that would even work on Cullen. 

The knots in his shoulders have knots and Garrett concentrates on the worst of them, pressing down with his thumbs, mashing them into submission. Cullen lets out a low moan and Garrett closes his eyes, trying to keep control. It takes a moment before he can make his voice work properly. “You’re really tense. You should take better care of yourself.” 

“Thank you, Cassandra. I’ll keep that in mind.” Cullen looks over his shoulder and smirks and it takes Garrett a full two heartbeats before he bursts out laughing.

“Commander Rutherford! Are you sassing me?” Garrett slides his hands up Cullen’s neck, pressing the tips of his thumbs just under the base of his skull, and Cullen lets out a loud, long groan. 

“Maker! That feels incredible, Hawke.”

“Garrett.” Cullen looks over his shoulder and Garrett smiles. “You could call me Garrett, if you’d like.” Silence drags on a bit and he’s sure he’s messed up. “It’s my name. Something my friends call me. Though if you’d prefer, Hawke is fine.”

“Which ones?” 

“What?” That isn’t anything he’d expected Cullen to say.

“As far as I know the only person to call you Garrett is Bethany. Everyone else calls you Hawke.” Cullen looks slightly confused and maybe a bit… 

Garrett refuses to believe Cullen looks hopeful, but he feels it bubbling in his own chest. “I only let family and very special friends call me Garrett.”

Cullen’s smirk blossoms fully as he rests his elbow on his knee and shakes his head. "Varric calls you Hawke. Anders and Fenris called you Hawke. Those three are your closest friends, aren’t they? I think that might be the biggest lie I've ever heard you tell. And you’ve told quite a few good ones.”

Garrett laughs and lets his hands glide over Cullen’s shoulders, feeling lighter than he has in a very long time. “True. And many of them were directed at you.”

Cullen nods. “No, Knight-Captain, my sister isn’t a mage.” He smiles and turns around fully, looking up to meet Garrett’s eyes. “My personal favorite is “I have no clue who has been circulating pamphlets calling for a mage rebellion.” 

Garrett’s laughter fills the room. “Hey! Varric tells more lies than I do!” 

“He’s better at it as well. You should take lessons.” 

Garrett sighs exasperatedly. “I’ve tried. He refuses to teach me. I’m forced to struggle along on my own.” His thumb is absently stroking the soft skin of Cullen’s neck and they both seem to realize the intimacy of their position. He feels Cullen’s heart rate increase but he doesn’t move.

“Thank you, Garrett. My headache feels better.” Cullen slowly stands and they are bare chest to bare chest with very little space between them, and Garrett fights the urge to lean in. Cullen’s blush is back in full force. “I should be getting back to my office though. My reports aren’t going to write themselves.”

Garrett slowly brings his hands down Cullen’s chest, lightly brushing his fingertips along his skin before dropping his hands to his side. He watches Cullen’s beautiful hazel eyes and feels a rush of heat as his pupils expand and his nostrils flare slightly. “That’s something I’m glad I’ve never had to deal with. I hear they’re awful.”

Cullen clears his throat and takes a step back. “Thank you, again.” He quickly pulls on his shirt before sitting and reaching for his boots. Garrett notices Cullen’s hands are shaking but it’s more like tremors than nervousness. A small knot of concern forms in the pit of his stomach and he watches more closely. “If the Inquisitor doesn’t keep you in meetings tomorrow, perhaps we can have that game of chess.” 

Cullen pulls on his boots and stands, swinging his cloak over his shoulders. “I’d like that. I’ll definitely try to be free.” Garrett sees the strain around his eyes and wonders if he’s is ill. “Well, then, I’ll see you tomorrow, Haw… Garrett.” 

Garrett lets the idiotic grin he feels in his soul make it’s way to his face. Hearing Cullen use his given name is better than he’d imagined. “Good night, Cullen.” He watches until Cullen disappears through the outer door, sighing at his own foolishness. At least Bethany and Varric seem to be right. Cullen does seem different, less dogmatic about a lot of things. Garrett strips off the rest of his clothes and sinks into the hot water with a groan, letting the warmth relax his tense muscles. Perhaps it’s time to accept that things aren’t as black and white as he thought they once were. He closes his eyes and leans his head back, beginning to look forward to the chess match with true eagerness.

**XXX**

“You look grimm, Hawke.” Varric doesn’t exactly look pleased either. It’s as if he knows what’s about to be said.

Garrett stands in front of the fireplace, pretending to warm his hands. “Stroud and I are to investigate a possible Warden fortress in the Hissing Wastes. We leave later today. I came to say goodbye.” He takes Bethany’s hand and gives it a small squeeze. “Although I expect that Varric will be in the Inquisitor’s party. Mahanon seems to prefer traveling with him, Dorian and The Iron Bull.” 

Varric chuckles at that. “Yeah, traveling with a bunch of smart asses. It’s the only way to go.”

Garrett laughs and claps him on the shoulder. “Why do you think I always kept you and Isabela close in Kirkwall?” He turns to Bethany and his smile fades. With the mage-Templar war is still ongoing, he’d feel better if she stayed safely within the walls of Skyhold, but he won’t assume to make those decisions for her. “Will you stay here?”

Bethany considers for a moment and nods. “I’m working with Vivienne on some magical theory and I’d like to see it through. Unless you need me.”

“I’m sure we could use your help, but the more people in the party the slower we’ll go, and the more notice we’ll draw. If you have something important to do here, then stay. I’ll be back soon.” He hugs her and hates that he feels such relief that she’ll be out of the fray. “You’ll be fine while we’re gone.” It was said more for his benefit than hers.

“Sunshine can take care of herself. She’ll be fine here.” Varric winks at her and she blushes but rolls her eyes.

“I should let Stroud know and then go pack my things. Tie up a few loose ends.” He doesn’t mean to, but he can’t help but glance back towards the War Room.

Varric’s grin is annoying as much as it’s infectious. “I think you’ll have time to say goodbye. The meetings don’t go on that long if there’s a mission pending.” 

There’s no use protesting. Not when he’s so damned perceptive. “There isn’t anything going on.” Garrett looks him in the eye, hoping to convince him, but he eventually breaks into a grin. “Not yet, anyway.”

Bethany barks out a laugh and holds her hand palm up towards Varric. “Pay up, Tethras!” She turns to Garrett and pins him with a look. “Alright, out with it Garrett Hawke! And no holding out because we’ll be able to tell!” She grabs his hand again and grins broadly.

Garrett shrugs and looks at Bethany as he speaks, knowing the _I told you so_ look on Varric’s face would be too much to take. “I ran into him in the baths last night. Well, this morning I guess.” Bethany makes a teasing ooooh sound which makes him roll his eyes. “Seriously Bethy?” 

“Sorry.” She straightens in her chair and composes her face. “Go ahead.”

“He had a headache. And you know how Carver always used to get very bad headaches and the only relief was dark rooms and working out the knots in his neck and shoulders.” Now that he’s saying it out loud it’s every bit as lame as he feared last night. “So, I offered to try to work out the knots.” Garrett ignored the snicker from Varric.

“Was he dressed?” Bethany leans in and waggles her eyebrows.

“Bethany! I’m not talking about that with you!”

“So he was naked!” She cackles and rocks back in her chair while Varric whistles loudly.

“No he wasn’t!” Garrett is laughing as well and pushes her backwards. She catches herself before she tumbles out of the chair and adjusts her position. “He had pants on.”

“Oh, so you got to touch skin!” 

She grins and Garrett nods. “He kept making these sounds.” He pulls a hand through his hair, letting out a shaky chuckle and tries not to think of how good it felt to touch him. The last thing he wants is his body to react to the memory of a half naked Cullen while he’s talking to his sister. “He called me Garrett, though. And we were supposed to play chess this afternoon, but that’s off.” Chess can be a long game, and neither one of them has that kind of time now.

Varric shrugs. “Well, I happen to know that Curly is pretty fond of Mabari, and I’m assuming you have Dog with you again.” Garrett nods.

“Oooh, you could introduce them! And it wouldn’t have to be a long visit. Even if it’s only fifteen minutes, you _must_ take Cullen down to the kennels!” Bethany is so excited it makes Garrett laugh loudly and she punches him in the arm. “I’m serious! He’d love it!”

“He would, Hawke. And if you ever need to leave Dog here, Curly could check on her for you.” 

Varric looks incredibly pleased with himself and Garrett rolls his eyes. “This is not one of your romance novels, Varric and you can’t script everything.” But the idea has merit and he should be able to manage it before he has to leave.

“No, but it could be.” Varric gives him an evil grin. 

Garrett points aggressively at him and scowls. “Don’t even think about it!” He throws up his hands and sighs. “There is no talking to either of you when you get like this.” He’s laughing again though, and the idea of taking Cullen to meet Dog is growing on him. “I have to go pack. I’ll say goodbye before I leave.” He leans down and kisses Bethany’s cheek and claps Varric on the shoulder. “Take care of each other for me.” There’s another odd look between them and Garrett is sure he’s actually seeing it this time, but there isn’t time to pry. It’ll have to wait until he gets back. He gives them one last wave and he heads out the door to find Stroud.

**XXX**

Garrett strides across the battlements towards Cullen’s office. They’re leaving soon, but there is a little time to spare, if Cullen’s free. It’s a bit forward, and perhaps a little presumptuous, but the worst that might happen is Cullen says he misunderstood the signals last night and Garrett backs off. But if he doesn’t try the missed opportunity will eat at him.

He slows as he nears his office, lifting his hand to knock when the door swings in and one of Leliana’s people slips quickly past, giving Garrett a warning look and shaking his head. “Good luck, mate.” He’s gone before Garrett can even open his mouth to reply. 

The door is slightly ajar and Garrett gently pushes it open. “Cullen?” He’s sitting at his desk glaring at a paper in his hand like it has personally offended him. Garrett approaches but it doesn’t seem like Cullen knows he’s there. “Cullen?”

Cullen practically snarls with rage. “What?” Garrett stops short and stares as Cullen’s head snaps up. It’s like he’s looking at someone else. There is a moment of recognition and Cullen is out of his chair in seconds, paper fluttering to the desktop. “Garrett! Maker’s breath. I’m sorry.” Cullen rubs his neck as a blush stains his cheeks a rosy pink. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“I’d offer to come back another time, but…” He leaves the sentence unfinished.

“No! Please stay. You’ll be leaving shortly.” Cullen doesn’t sound pleased about it and it gives Garrett hope. 

He leans against the doorframe and tries to remain calm. “The only thing left is to get Dog ready to go. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and meet her, but maybe another time.”

Cullen’s eyes say he’d love to, but he shakes his head and looks at the piles of papers on his desk. “I really should keep at it. There are a lot of reports to work through.” 

Cullens’ hands are shaking and his skin looks a bit pallid and Garrett thinks fresh air might do him some good. His very odd outburst only reinforces the thought. “All the more reason to take a break. All that paper will be here when you get back. I can’t be gone long anyway, Stroud’s going to meet me at the front gate in a bit.” Garrett tries his best smile and looks into Cullen’s eyes. “Please? Just a few minutes.”

Cullen’s reluctant smile is like sunshine peeking through the rainclouds, and Garrett laughs as he stands. “You’re going to love her.” 

When they near the kennel Garrett whistles a little three note tune and grins when the expected two sharp barks answers him. “Alright, stand back.” He gently pushes Cullen back a bit, then braces himself. He still stumbles back a few paces as two hundred pounds of wriggling happiness lands against his chest. He manages a controlled descent and lets her lick his face a few times before he manages to get her off his chest.

Cullen is staring at them incredulously and starts to laugh. “I take it that’s your typical greeting.”

Garrett nods and straightens up, scratching Dog behind her ears. “Dog, this is Cullen. Cullen, this beautiful creature is Dog, my mabari.”

“You actually named her Dog? I thought you were calling her _a_ dog!” Dog saunters over and sniffs Cullen thoroughly, eventually jumping up and putting her front paws on his shoulders to look him in the eyes. Garrett has seen her do it only two other times. It happened once with Fenris, and once the first time Justice revealed himself, and he’s decided that this behavior is mostly to make sure someone isn’t going to harm him or Bethany. 

Garrett holds his breath as Dog’s appraisal drags on. He’s afraid Cullen will back up or push her away but he holds his ground, obviously aware that something is happening. Cullen isn’t prepared for the huge slobbery lick of approval, though. Garrett roars with laughter and is relieved to see Cullen laughing too, as he wipes his face and rubs Dog’s sides vigorously. “Good girl.” He grins at Garrett. “I think that was worse than the intense scrutiny from Ser Sacrimore during room inspection! I suppose I passed, though.” He grins at Dog and scratches more vigorously as she wiggles happily. “I haven’t been that concerned about gaining someone’s approval in a very long time.”

Garrett’s insides swoop. “Well, she approves of you, that’s obvious.” He laughs as Cullen wipes his face with his sleeve as soon as Dog puts all four paws back on the ground. Garrett doesn’t want to think about what would have happened if she hadn’t like Cullen, and his relief is palpable now that the assessment is over. 

“Approves of me as what, though?” Cullen squats down next to her and scratches her neck with both hands. “Huh, girl? What test have I passed?” He’s looking at Dog but Garrett feels the question directed at him, and he isn’t sure he’s ready to answer it. At least not directly.

He kneels down next to them and scratches behind Dog’s ears, to have something to do with his hands. “Whatever you’d like, I suppose.” Garrett also looks at Dog and not at Cullen, and she seems to realize what’s going on and gives a disgusted snort. When Cullen doesn’t say anything more Garrett forces himself to look up. Cullen scans his face, and Garrett looks back, expression open and ready to respond to whatever is said next.

Cullen frowns a bit. “It’s complicated. It’s not just about what I’d like. We’re in the middle of a war. There’s Corypheus to defeat. What I’d like pales before those needs.” His hands slow until they’re resting in Dog’s fur.

Garrett feels his heart hammering in his chest. He bites his lip to make sure he’s not dreaming. They are actually talking about this. It is actually happening. How did they even get here? “Don’t we all deserve whatever happiness we can find under those circumstances? None of us has any guarantees, especially not now with the world in its current state.” 

Garrett slowly moves a hand down Dog’s head until it’s resting next to Cullen’s. Neither says anything but neither moves, until Garrett takes a chance and deliberately slides his pinky over Cullen’s thumb and squeezes gently. There is no mistaking the movement as an accident, but it’s a small enough change that if Cullen isn’t interested there doesn’t have to be a big scene. He can just move his hand away and that will be that. He’s out on an emotional limb that he’s never climbed to before. It’s exciting and but also terrifying knowing that the branch could snap and send him plummeting.

Cullen doesn’t move his hand away, and Garrett feels a gentle return nudge against his pinky. He looks up and Cullen is watching him intently. a soft smile tugging at his lips. “Perhaps.” Dog lets out a loud bark and leans into Garrett knocking him off his feet. She huffs disgustedly and trots off to get a stick, bringing it back and dropping it at Cullen’s feet before sitting down and wagging her tail expectantly. Cullen grins and picks up the stick, getting to his feet and tossing it across the yard. 

Dog sprints after it, barking happily and the moment is gone. But it had happened, and Garrett can’t stop grinning. Neither can Cullen, so it seems. But whether it’s because of their conversation, or because Cullen is enjoying playing with Dog, Garrett won’t speculate. Dog approves, Cullen is interested, and that can be enough for now. It has to be.


	2. Everybody Talks

The battle against the demon-bound Wardens is fierce and no one walks away unscathed, but the healers do their jobs and by the time they ride back through the gates of Skyhold a few weeks later, most of the injured are fully recovered. His first thoughts are to find Cullen, but he knows the other advisors will want a debriefing. As he dismounts he spots Bethany. It’s nice to have someone waiting to welcome him back. He hands the reigns of his horse to a stable hand and makes his way towards her. Relief floods her face and she darts across the yard, but she isn’t heading towards him. 

Garrett stops in his tracks and watches her weave through the crowd and stop in front of Varric’s horse, finally noticing the small gestures and looks he’s missed to this point. Bethany rests her hand on Varric’s leg and he places his on top. Their smiles are soft and intimate and Garrett feels like he’s had the wind knocked out of him. 

First he smiles, then he laughs as he thinks again about the conversation he and Cullen had. A conversation he’s thought about every day since he left. The sentiment is no less true for Bethany and Varric. If they’ve found something that makes them happy, he will be happy for them. He sees Varric steal a glance his way and when their eyes meet he move his hand, straightening in the saddle. 

“Sweet Maker, would you just kiss her already? She’s being very patient!” There is momentary shock on Bethany’s face and then a grin splits Varric's and he leans down and kisses her passionately and Garrett lets out a whistle that echos through the courtyard. 

He’s emboldened by them and hurries towards the stone steps that lead to Cullen’s office. He takes them two at a time and only briefly knocks before he swings open the door. He immediately ducks as something comes flying through the air and explodes against the door frame. 

“Maker’s breath! I didn’t hear you enter!” What little color Cullen has in his face drains away. “Forgive me.” His shoulders slump and his head drops forward in defeat. 

“Cullen, is something wrong?” Garrett steps into the office and a strong mineral scent burns his nose. He looks at the debris and sees the pool of blue liquid and broken tools and snaps his head back to Cullen. 

“Garrett. You…” Cullen tries to walk around the desk but groans and stumbles, barely catching himself on the corner. 

“Cullen!” Garrett rushes forward and helps him sit on the edge of the desk, steadying him until he feels Cullen can stay upright on his own. “Are you alright?” 

Cullen manages an exhausted yet thoroughly disgusted laugh. “I don’t really know. I suppose it depends on the day you ask.” He looks exhausted and barely conscious.

“I’m asking today.” Dread grows in his chest as the small details start to fall into place. Cullen’s hands trembling for no reason, the dark circles under his eyes, the headaches and baths in the middle of the night. “You’re not taking Lyrium anymore.” The words fill him with cold dread. His father had first told him how Lyrium works, and Anders filled in more details, like how it affected Templars differently from mages because mages could burn it off. Templars couldn’t, so it built up, and became addictive. And as far as anyone knew, if a Templar stopped taking it they would die. He stares at Cullen like he’s insane. 

Cullen nods and stares at a spot on the floor, looking utterly defeated. “When I joined the Inquisition. It’s been months now.”

Fear for his safety twists at Garrett’s insides. “Cullen, why are you doing this?”

“Lyrium grants Templars their abilities, but it controls them as well. After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn’t…” His voice is almost monotone but when Cullen finally looks up there is such anguish in his face Garrett wants to take him in his arms and hold him tightly. “I will not be bound to the Order or that life any longer!” Cullen pushes himself into a standing position and appears to will himself upright. “Whatever the suffering I accept it.”

Garrett isn’t sure if he’s more proud or afraid of what Cullen is attempting to do. The suffering he must be enduring should be overwhelming, and yet he’s been functioning for months. “What can I do to help?”

Cullen looks shocked and then grateful. “Nothing. I’m… I’m fine.” He turns to walk back to his chair and Garrett is only just in time to catch him as he stumbles again. 

“You are many things Cullen, but right now fine isn’t one of them.” He carefully helps him to sit securely in the chair before perching on the edge of the desk. “Let me help you. Please?” Cullen looks so lost and alone and it’s breaking Garrett’s heart. “I want to help.” Cullen stares at him and the silence drags on, but Garrett refuses to relent and finally Cullen nods and lets his head drop back against the chair. “I think you should be in bed.”

“I have work to do. People are relying on me.” Cullen tries to push himself forward in the chair and Garrett uses the small momentum to slide next to him and slip an arm around his waist. Cullen is heavy, especially with the metal chest plate, but it’s not too much, and Garrett wouldn’t let it deter him anyway.

“Where are your rooms?” Garrett expects directions towards one of the doors and is completely unprepared for the gesture upwards. He looks up and sees the loft and stares incredulously. Then starts to laugh. “You’re kidding, right? If you wanted a window in your bedroom I’m sure the builders can accommodate. No need for a gaping hole.” He stares at the ladder trying to determine how he’ll get them into the loft.

Cullen shoves against him and protests enough that Garrett lets go. “I can climb on my own.”

Garrett is glad to hear it, although he’s not completely convinced. But he has no better way to get them up there otherwise. “I’ll be right behind you in case you slip.” Cullen nods and steps onto the first rung and climbs shakily, Garrett staying close behind, just one rung down, arms on either side of him. Cullen protests but Garrett ignores him. If Cullen fell there would be no catching him in any other position. 

When they crest the top of the ladder and both are standing on the solid wood floor away from the edge Cullen tries one more protest but Garrett isn’t hearing any of it. “You know, I helped raise my two younger siblings, so I’m immune to the many excuses used to avoid a nap.” He pulls Cullen’s cloak from around his shoulders and lays it over the back of the chair. “You look like shit and you’re going to fall over if you don’t sit down soon, so I’d suggest you get comfortable before you pass out standing up.”

“I’m not four, Garrett.” Cullen seems to be trying for an indignant look but it comes off more petulant and it makes him grin.

“Of course you aren’t.” He leans in and gently pushes Cullen so that he loses his balance and plops back onto the bed. “So stop acting like it.” He kneels at Cullen’s feet and pulls off his boots, carefully setting them at the end of the bed. He surmises that, despite the disaster that is Cullen’s desk, he’s really an orderly person and would appreciate his things being put aside carefully rather than strewn about. He helps him remove his breastplate, placing it on the proper rack in the corner. 

By the time they finish Cullen is looking even more exhausted and swaying in place. “Alright, arms up.” Even though he’d rather Cullen wasn’t suffering, he is enjoying helping him. And no matter what image Cullen would prefer to project, Garrett recalls that this is very much like wrangling a very sleepy child into bed. He pulls Cullens shirt over his head and turns it rightside out before folding it and placing it on the small dresser in the opposite corner. Cullen seems to realize that he can now lay down and he collapses sideways onto the pillows with a soft groan of defeat. Garrett manages to pull the covers pulled down, even with Cullen’s weight on top of them. He swings his legs up onto the bed and pulls the sheet up to cover his chest. He looks even worse against the pale white of the sheets and worry starts to creep back in. Garrett turns to go, planning to visit the healers to see if there is anything that can be done to help Cullen.

“Wait.” Garrett looks back and meets Cullen’s pain-filled eyes. “Stay. For a bit?”

For a moment he allows himself to imagine what it would be like if Cullen were saying those words to him under more intimate circumstances. He pushes the image aside, ignoring the ache the thoughts stir, instead giving Cullen his brightest smile. “Of course.” He looks around for someplace to sit and heads to the chair but Cullen makes a soft noise of protest.

“Here?” Cullen turns his hand over, palm up, which Garrett assumes is as close as he can come to holding out his hand. 

Without hesitation Garrett crosses back to the bed and sits on the edge, taking Cullen’s hand in both of his. “I’ll stay for a little bit, but you need to rest.” 

There’s one stray golden curl coiled against Cullen’s forehead and Garrett can’t help himself. He gently brushes it aside, combing his fingers through Cullen’s thick, silky hair earning an appreciative hum of approval. “Mmm. Feels good." Cullen closes his eyes and takes a breath, the strain in his face easing as he sinks into the mattress. Garrett combs his fingers into Cullen’s hair again, tugging gently, pulling through the styled waves. With each pass, Cullen’s blond locks revert to their natural curls and he seems to sink deeper into sleep. 

Only after he hears even breathing and the hand holding his goes slack does Garrett think it’s safe to move. It takes every ounce of willpower to let go of Cullen’s hand and stand. He watches him sleep for several minutes, long enough to wonder if his behavior could be construed as creepy, before turning and quietly climbing down the ladder. He doesn’t leave, knowing the minute he does some ass will come and wake Cullen with a stupid question, so he sits at the desk determined to keep everyone away.

There are a few knocks on the door, but he turns everyone away, explaining that the Commander is ill and shouldn’t be disturbed. Eventually the visits stop. Two hours after he put Cullen to bed there is a light knock on the door. Garrett is about to get up but the door barely opens and Cassandra squeezes through, quietly closing it behind her. She nods and stops at the edge of the desk. “Hawke.” She glances to the loft and keeps her voice pitched low. “He’s still sleeping?” She looks back at him and he nods. “Good. Thank you. He needs to take better care of himself.”

Garrett isn’t sure what to make of The Seeker. They’ve had a few conversations, but not enough to become friends. Her concern for Cullen seems genuine, and while on one hand he’s glad Cullen has someone in Skyhold to look out for him, he also feels a very pronounced jealousy towards her. She and Cullen are close. What if she disapproves? “Is there something I can do for you, Seeker?”

Cassandra shakes her head and gestures to Cullen’s desk. “I came to thank you, and perhaps work through some of Cullen’s papers. It seemed a bit cruel to have an opportunity for him to finally rest only to have him wake and feel more pressure to catch up.”

“I’m happy to assist, if you’d like the help. You can look through the papers and let me handle the ones you think aren’t too sensitive.”

Cassandra looks surprised but nods and moves a nearby chair to the desk. She sits and starts to work through the piles, handing one to Garrett every few pages. They work silently for the better part of an hour, aware that their voices could wake Cullen, and neither seemed to want that to happen. Every now and then Cassandra looks at him quizzically and after the fourth time he grins and turns toward her. “You have a question. Ask.”

She gets flustered and blushes slightly before opening and then closing her mouth. This happens a few times before she manages to quietly get words out. “Is there something going on between you and Cullen? Normally I would say it is none of my business, but he is a good friend, and I know you were on opposite sides of the mage-Templar struggle in Kirkwall.” She glances toward the loft and frowns. “He is not in a good place at the moment and I would try to spare him unnecessary heartache.”

Rather than answer her question Garrett asks one of his own. “Is there a specific reason for your concern? Because I don’t want that either.” 

She looks baffled and shakes her head. “What other possible reason could there be?”

Garrett shrugs. “Cullen’s very attractive. And smart.” He grins impishly. “Almost as attractive and smart as I am. And it would be reasonable to assume that there are others who fancy the Commander as more than just a friend.” Even when he can see understanding dawn, Garrett doesn’t look away from her face. He needs to know.

“I assure you that there is nothing of a romantic nature going on between Cullen and me!” She blushes even deeper but doesn’t waver. “We are very good friends. That is all. I do not think of him in that way.”

Garrett exhales and leans back in his chair. “Good to know.” 

“So there _is_ something going on between you then?” She hands him a paper and looks back at her stack, but everything about her body language screams anything but casual.

“Not really. Not yet anyway. Maybe?” Garrett sighs and scratches his head. “I’d like there to be. But I’m not sure he does. He has a lot on his…” Garrett was going to say plate, but looked around and laughed quietly. “...desk. I’m not sure he wants to make time for anything else.” He also realizes that Cullen’s hesitancy might have been due to the lyrium withdrawal.

Cassandra looks inordinately pleased when he finally works up the nerve to glance her way. “I assure you he does wish for there to be something between you. Truthfully, he doesn’t stop talking about you. Dorian confirms this. We were concerned that the feelings might be one-sided, but I am glad to know this is not the case.” Garrett glances up towards the loft and feels like a weight has been lifted and he can’t contain the goofy grin struggling to get out. “And you are not concerned that he was a Templar? You are not concerned that he harbors any ill feelings towards mages?”

“I used to worry about that. Cullen has said some things in the past that were… disturbing. His views on mages were not something I could accept.” Garrett thought back to Kirkwall and Cullen as a Templar, and he can finally see that Templar Cullen is very different from Commander Cullen. “We haven’t discussed it specifically. We haven’t discussed much, actually.”

“That is more than I need to know. What you do in your private time is none of my affair.” She waves a paper at him and blushes, suddenly unable to sit still.

Garrett chuckles and shakes his head. “I didn’t mean it that way.” He wonders if she might be able to offer some advice. “I’ve been afraid to push. He seems skittish. Now I know that some of that might have been the Lyrium withdrawal. So much makes sense now.”

There’s rustling from the loft and Cassandra puts down the paper in her hands and stands. “I’ll take my leave. Thank you for helping me, and for the conversation. It has been enlightening.” She holds out her hand and Garrett grins and shakes it. In an even softer voice Cassandra whispers, “Do not be afraid to push. If one of you doesn’t then nothing will ever happen.” She shakes his hand once more and then lets go and walks to the door. She looks back and nods and then slips out as quietly as she entered.

Garrett looks at the loft and pushes himself out of the chair, crossing the room in a few strides to climb the ladder. As he steps onto the platform he can see Cullen is still asleep but not so deeply as before. His curls are a bit damp and the covers have been thrown off, but his face is relaxed and he looks years younger, or more accurately, his actual age. As if he knows he’s being watched, Cullen opens his eyes and looks directly at Garrett. Then he looks around and slowly pushes himself upright. “I thought I dreamed you.”

Garrett laughs and approaches the bed. “I’ve heard that one before, Commander. You might want to try something about my eyes, or superb intelligence.”

Cullen smiles sleepily and rubs his eyes. “I was thinking of going with something about your extraordinary modesty but didn’t want it to go to your head.”

“Ah. yes, probably wise.” Garrett tentatively sits on the edge of the bed and Cullen leans back against the headboard. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been dragged behind a herd of wild horses. But thankfully, there is no nausea and the shakes seem to have lessened drastically.” It was nice to speak plainly, and to have Cullen trust him enough to do so. “But I should get up. There’s paperwork that isn’t going to finish itself.”

“Cassandra and I already took care of a lot of it.” He sees the skeptical look and raises his hands. “Really! I swear. And it looks like the rest did you some good.” He reaches out and caresses Cullen’s cheek with his fingertips. “You’re color is back and your eyes look clearer.” Cullen blushes and seems to lean into his touch. “Can I get you anything?”

“A cup of water would be good, but I can get it.” Cullen moves to get up but Garrett puts a hand against his shoulder and pushes him back. 

“You don’t listen very well, do you?” He grins and crosses to the dresser, pours some of the water from the pitcher into a mug, and hands it carefully to him. Cullen’s fingertips brush against the backs of his and Garrett thinks it might have been intentional. The blush on Cullen’s cheeks says it was. 

He drinks the entire mugful and sets it on the small table next to the bed. “Garrett, really. I”m the Commander of the Inquisition forces. There are people counting on me to do my job.”

He’d worry that he was overstepping if Cassandra hadn’t been just as convinced that Cullen needed a rest. “See, that’s why I remain unimportant. Less pressure. None of this _people are relying_ on me stuff.” He does a decent enough impersonation of Cullen to earn him a chuckle. 

Cullen stretches and groans. “I think you already filled your quota. How many times did you save everyone in Kirkwall? Twice that I know of, and I’m sure there were a few more. Now I suppose it’s my turn. And there really is a lot to do.”

Garrett grins and blocks Cullen as he tries to swing his legs off the side of the bed. Cullen rubs his eyes, squinting at him, and Garrett is almost caught off guard as he dives for the other side of the bed. He manages to grab Cullen’s ankle and hauls him back across the mattress, flipping him over on his back before straddling his hips and pinning his arms to the bed. They are both laughing until they suddenly aren’t. The air is charged and Garrett feels an electric prickling along his skin. They stare at each other, breathing rapidly, until Garrett can’t help himself and slowly leans down. If Cullen wants to move or turn his face he can. But he doesn’t.

Cullen’s lips are soft and gentle and he eagerly returns the kiss. Garrett’s heart is beating out of his chest and he shivers as Cullen’s lips part easily under his, their tongues slowly caressing, tasting and teasing. He reluctantly brings the kiss to an end and backs up enough to look into Cullen’s eyes. “I’ve wanted to do that since Kirkwall.”

“Really?” Cullen’s smile is a little bit shy and a little bit impish and Garrett is captivated. “I didn’t think you would be interested in me.” A Templar. Because you had a mage sister. Neither one of them has to say it out loud to know that is the unspoken end to Cullen’s sentence. 

“I tried not to be.” He feels sick saying anything negative just after finally getting to kiss him, but if they can’t talk about the bad parts what can ever really be between them? “You had some pretty dogmatic views about mages back then.” He feels the wrong kind of tension building and tries to stem the tide. “If I’d known you kiss like that I might have pursued things anyway.”

Cullen gives a half smile and gently flexes his wrists. Garrett lets go and slides to the side, letting Cullen up. He moves back against the headboard and Garrett doesn’t try to follow, but Cullen tentatively holds out his hand and Garrett takes it immediately. “I wasn’t always like that. And my attitude towards mages wasn’t just because of my time in Kirkwall. I was in Ferelden when the circle fell. It was taken over by abominations. The Templars, my _friends_ , were slaughtered.” Cullen’s hands are shaking and he’s silent for several moments as he tries to keep himself together. “I was tortured. They tried to break my mind and I… How can you be the same person after that?” 

Garrett had heard about the circle in Ferelden. Who hadn’t? The stories about what happened are told to frighten small children into behaving and used as examples of what happens if mages are left unchecked. Garrett hadn’t know that Cullen had been assigned there and suddenly he’s wondering how he managed to remain as open minded as he has.

“Still, I wanted to serve. They sent me to _Kirkwall_. I trusted my Knight-Commander. And for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness.” It was as though Cullen had forgotten he was there and was recounting the story to himself. “Kirkwall’s circle fell. The Chantry was blown up. Innocent people died in the streets. That’s why I want _nothing_ to do with that life.” Cullen turns to him with a lost, pleading look in his eye. “Do you understand?”

“I do.” Garrett feels his entire perception of events slide sideways and he questions everything he thought he knew about what happened, and who Cullen was back then. Garrett had made no room for _maybe_ or _possibly_ , and had firmly clung to his belief that all Templars were fundamentally the same. He sees now that it made him no better than what he’d professed to hate about the Templars. He squeezes Cullen’s hand but it doesn’t seem to help.

“Don’t!” Cullen snatches his hand back and presses his thumbs against the bridge of his nose. “You should be questioning what I’ve done! You of all people who were there in Kirkwall and saw what happened! You heard the terrible things I said and believed! I thought the Inquisition would allow me to regain some control over my life, but I can’t stop thinking about all of it!”

Garrett moves up the mattress and kneels in front of Cullen, covering his clenched fists with his hands. “Cullen, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you went through hell in the Ferelden circle. And I’m sorry that Meredith exploited that pain and took advantage of your vulnerability.” He carefully places his fingertips under Cullen’s chin and draws his face up. “You are so much more than the tragic events you went through. You are still kind, and still trying to be better, and I’m not sure many would do the same under those circumstances.” He wasn’t trying to think about what to say. He was letting the words come from his heart and they felt right as he said them. “You are so strong! Your spirit is so resilient and you’re a truly a _good_ person, Cullen. You care, and want to do the right thing. And you’re learning from your mistakes, and you’re trying to educate yourself about magic and mages and that’s incredible! If only more people were like that we’d have a much different looking Thedas!”

“But, the memories haunt me. I see them each time I close my eyes.” He looks pleadingly into Garrett’s face. “If they become worse now that I’m not taking the lyrium, if I can’t endure this…”

Garrett squeezes Cullen’s hands. “You can.” He looks into his eyes so that he’ll know he believes it, and believes in him.

Cullen doesn’t say anything for a moment, only searches Garrett’s face until he finally nods and sags back against the headboard. “Alright.” 

He seems tired again and Garrett knows the one kiss will have to suffice for now. “Why don’t you try to get some more sleep? It seems to have done you some good. Maybe more will help.” He expects a fight about it, or at least a small protest, but Cullen just nods and slides back down onto the mattress. Garrett sits on the edge of the bed and strokes his hair again. “I’ll be just downstairs. Alright?”

Cullen looks stricken and shakes his head. “Stay. Please.”

“I’ll sit right here and won’t move.” He slides his fingers through Cullen’s hair and smiles gently. He feels some of the tension leave Cullen’s body and he prepares himself to sit for awhile.

But Cullen moves over towards the wall and turns on his side, then looks over his shoulder. “Please? Will you stay?” Cullen holds out a hand and Garrett can’t say no if he wanted to. Not to that face. 

He takes a moment to pull off his boots, this time not caring where they fall, and crawls across the bed to nestle behind Cullen. He tucks his right arm under his head and drapes the left diagonally across Cullen’s chest protectively, pulling him back so their bodies are pressed together from shoulders to calves. They weave their legs into a comfortable position, and Cullen takes a deep breath, settling back against him. There’s still tension in his body, but it’s significantly less than only moments before. Garrett lightly kisses the back of his head and feels the gentle squeeze of Cullen’s arm against his. 

He sifts through everything Cullen told him about the pain and anguish he went through, all the people that he knew and cared for who died. It took a lot for Cullen to share that with him. The emotions were obviously still raw but he took the time to explain and Garrett is grateful and humbled. He never would have understood just how unfairly he’d judged Cullen, or acknowledged just how fundamentally he’d changed. “Thank you for telling me. For trusting me.” Cullen takes another deep breath and Garrett feels his body sag back against him even as the arm across his own flops down onto the bed. “Sweet dreams, Cullen.”

**XXX**

He wakes to the clear sound of birds chirping and for a moment thinks he’s back on the road. Except there is a comfortable mattress beneath him, and he feels the soft inhale and exhale of breath against his neck. Even in his groggy, not-quite-awake state he can tell he’s definitely wrapped around a warm body. Garrett slowly opens his eyes and catches the sway of a branch as it dips through the open ceiling. He smiles and tightens his arms around Cullen. His stomach lets out a loud growl confirming that dinner was missed. He’s not even remotely sorry. 

Cullen begins to move against him, starting to wake up, so Garrett relaxes his arms a bit, letting him stretch and flop onto his back. Cullen opens his eyes and they smile at each other like infatuated teenagers. It’s totally sappy and Varric should never find out about it, but Garrett can’t think of a better way to wake up. Cullen reaches out and places a hand against his chest. “Good morning.”

Garrett brings Cullen’s hand to his lips, kissing his palm softly. “Good morning. I trust you’re feeling better?”

“Yes.” He squints at the bright sky. “I think I actually slept through the night. Slept in even.” Cullen looks a bit stunned by the thought.

“Is it always that bad?” He knows there isn’t a need to say the words. Cullen knows what he means.

“The pain comes and goes. And sometimes it’s as if I’m back there. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed myself so hard.” Cullen rubs his eyes and smiles sheepishly.

Garrett places Cullen’s hand against his heart. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

Cullen moves a little closer. “I am.” He rolls onto his side so they’re facing each other, heads nestled on the same pillow. “I’ve never told anyone what truly happened to me in Ferelden’s circle.” Cullen closes his eyes and Garrett waits, giving him time to find the words. “I wasn’t myself after that. I was angry! For _years_ that anger blinded me.” Cullen takes a deep breath. “I’m not proud of the man it made me.” He opens his eyes and they seem less haunted. Clearer. “Now I can put some distance between myself and everything that happened. It’s a start.” 

It took a lot of courage to say the words and he can tell that Cullen means them. “For what it’s worth, I like who you are now.”

“Even after…”

Garrett cuts him off. “Cullen, I care about you.” He searches his face trying to see if those feelings are returned. “I care about you very much. Nothing you’ve said or done has lessened that.”

Cullen’s smile rivals the sunshine streaming through the hole in the roof. “I care about you too. Very much.” Garrett leans in and Cullen meets him halfway. The kiss is soft and sweet and Garrett slides his arm around him and pulls him closer. Cullen’s skin feels soft and warm pressed against him. Garrett deepen the kiss, Cullen moans into his mouth, and it’s all perfect.

Neither hears the knock, or the door open, but they do hear Cassandra’s voice. “Cullen, are you well?” They break apart like they’ve been caught doing something inappropriate, then look at each other and burst into quiet laughter. “Yes, Cassandra. I’m quite alright.” Cullen kisses Garrett quickly and slides down the bed, padding across the bare wooden floor to stand at the top of the ladder. “I’ll be just a moment.” He looks back at Garrett and grins. “I seem to have slept in this morning.” He scratches his fingers through his curls and stretches as if he hasn’t a care in the world, and Garrett sees a glimpse of what Cullen could be like on the other side of the Lyrium withdrawal.

He can’t resist stirring things up a bit though, so he rolls out of bed and slides up behind Cullen, slipping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. Thankfully Cullen takes it well, although he’s blushing profusely. “Good morning Cassandra. You didn’t happen to bring any tea with you. Did you?”

“Hawke!” She looks bewildered and Garrett grins, incredibly pleased with himself. “I just wanted to… that is…” Cassandra stands taller and takes a breath. “I can see you are feeling better, Cullen. I shall speak with you later.” She turns and practically runs out of the office.

“Was it something I said?” Garrett squeezes Cullen and softly kisses his shoulder.

Cullen leans back and rests his temple against Garrett’s. “This is going to spread quickly through Skyhold.”

“Does that bother you?” He hadn’t accounted for Cullen wanting to keep him a secret. The thought doesn’t sit well.

“I would rather my… _our_ , private affairs remain that way.” Garrett tenses but Cullen turns in his arms and smiles, his whole body relaxed. “But, if there were nothing for people to talk about I would regret it more.” Garrett shivers as Cullen strokes his fingers along his spine. “I’m not very good at this. If I seem unsure it’s because it’s been a long time since I wanted _anyone_ in my life. I wasn’t expecting to find that here, _or_ you.”

Garrett tries not to read too much into what Cullen has said but he can’t stop himself from asking the question burning in his mind. “And you want me in your life?”

Cullen smiles and his answer comes easily and without hesitation. “Yes. Very much. It’s a bit frightening really, and certainly not the smart thing, starting something in the middle of a war. But I find the thought makes me happy. And that’s something I haven’t been in a very long time.” But a few heartbeats later Cullen’s face turns slightly pale. “If that’s what you want, of course. I wouldn’t presume that you would want _me…”_

Garrett can’t stop grinning even as he hauls Cullen close and kisses him the way he’d been fantasizing about for longer than he cares to admit. Cullen’s hand snakes into his hair and Garrett gasps as a sharp fast pain lances through his lower lip. He growls and pulls Cullen back towards the bed, trying to touch him everywhere at once. 

The office door crashes against the wall and a breathless voice yells into the room. “Commander! The Inquisitor requires you in the War Room immediately!”

Cullen groans against his lips and he feels a slight tightening of the fist in his hair. Their kiss deepens briefly before Cullen steps back with a growl to accompany his angry expression. Through gritted teeth he manages a terse, “Thank you. I’ll be right there.” Garrett thinks he hears a small whimper from below followed by the office door closing again and he knows he isn’t going to be able to tempt Cullen into anything further. He sighs watching Cullen move to the dresser and begin pulling out fresh clothes. “I”m sorry Garrett. I can’t ignore a summons from the Inquisitor.” Cullen pours water into the basin and quickly wets the soap and beings to bathe. 

The office door opens again and Cullen frowns. “What now?”

“Um, Commander?” It’s the same recruit from moments ago.

Cullen stomps to the edge of the platform and barks out a terse, “What is it, Corporal?”

“Um…” His voice cracks and there is a long pause. “The Seeker said that I might find Hawke here?” It’s said so tentatively that Garrett almost laughs out loud. 

He quickly walks across the floor before Cullen can say anything and pokes his head over the ledge. “Right here, Corporal. What can I do for you?”

The poor recruit is looking anywhere but at Garrett and it’s the funniest thing he’s seen in a long time. “Sir, um, the Inquisitor requests your presence as well. I’ll just go and let him know you’re both on your way. Sorry to have bothered you!” The corporal makes a hasty retreat, slamming the door behind him before quickly opening it again and yelling “Sorry!” and closing the door for a third time. 

Garrett roars with laughter and almost falls off the loft, but Cullen steadies him with an arm around his waist. ‘I think we’ve scared him for life.”

“Yes, and I’m the one who’s going to have to deal with it.” But Cullen is smiling again. Garrett yelps when he’s smacked in the chest with a cold, wet, soapy rag. “Looks like you won’t have time for a proper bath either.”

Garrett statches the wet rag with one hand and loops his arm around Cullen, nuzzling into his neck. “Are you sure we have to leave immediately?”

“If you plan to get back to your room and change before making an appearance, then we need to leave five minutes ago.” 

“I don’t _have_ to change.” Garrett waggles his eyebrows and Cullen chuckles.

“Wash quickly and go change.” Cullen steps back and grabs his shirt, pulling it over his head then reaches for his chest plate. “We shouldn’t keep the Inquisitor waiting.”

“And if I am punctual and pay attention for the entire meeting, will I be properly rewarded after?” Garrett leers at Cullen and very slowly and very obviously undresses him with his eyes.

Cullen blushes but waits for Garrett to look him in the face before responding. He holds his gaze and very clearly and with great intent says one single word. “Yes.” Garrett feels it like a gentle squeeze between his legs. He crosses the room and washes quickly, willing to forgo anything further right now for the potential something later. Cullen’s eyes seem to be saying it will be worth it. “As long as whatever the Inquisitor says doesn’t change that. I can’t make guarantees.” 

It’s a fair statement and he nods his agreement as he dries off with his shirt, shaking it out and putting his arms into the sleeves, ready to pull it over his head. Instead he gasps as Cullen steps up behind him and presses against him. The cold steel against Garrett’s back quickly wrms and he can’t help the groan as Cullen nuzzles behind his ear. “Cullen. Not fair. I’m trying to behave and you aren’t helping.”

Cullen turns him in his arms and gently cups his face with a hand. “One more kiss, and then I’ll let you go.” Garrett can hardly breathe as Cullen leans in and brushes their lips together, gently at first, mouths barely separating before they are kissing again, each more intense than the last. Garrett grips Cullen’s hips keeping him close, returning each kiss with equal passion. Cullen’s confidence and control are intoxicating and something Garrett didn’t know he’d like quite so much. He moans and tries to settle closer but Cullen is ending the kiss and steps back. “I’ll see you in the War Room. Don’t take too long.” His tone leaves no room for argument. Not that something like that would normally stop Garrett. But now he has visions of _The Commander_ in the bedroom and shivers with excitement. 

“Don’t worry, Sir. I’ll be there.” Cullen gives a dirty little chuckle and steps onto the first rung of the ladder and quickly disappears over the edge. Garrett hears the office door open and close and moans softly. “If this is what happens after a full night’s sleep, Commander, you’ll be going to bed very early from now on.”

**XXX**

Garrett watches the War Room door, waiting for it to open so he can go in and give his debriefing. “I tracked that Venatori Mage back to Adamant Fortress. They’re looking at assault options now in the War Room.” The large wooden door opens and the Inquisitor pokes his head out. Garrett nods quickly in his direction but returns his attention to Varric. “How’r you holding up?” 

“Oh, great. It’s been all murderous Wardens, Archdemon attacks, plenty of Blood Mages, and crazy Templars. Just like home.” Varric sounds tired and Garrett certainly knows that feeling. He’d love nothing more than to face a demon or two, chase a few Carta members out of Darktown, or kill a stray dracolisk and then spend the rest of the evening sitting at the Hanged Man with the old gang playing Wicked Grace and drinking Nora’s watered down ale. Instead they are heading into the War Room to discuss ways to defeat the Tevinter mages at Adamant. With Cullen. And he’s not sure he’ll be able to remain professional 

Garrett claps Varric on the shoulder and then steps through the large door and immediately feels three sets of eyes boring into him. Mahanon leans against the table, looking at the large map with the multitude of steel markers strategically placed on top. “Hopefully we aren’t spreading ourselves too thin. But I believe we need to deal with these mages.”

Garrett isn’t sure where to stand. He wants to move next to Cullen but that might be too tempting. So he stays on this side of the table where it’s probably safer. He looks around the room and locks eyes with him. He expects him to look away quickly, but that doesn’t happen and Garrett can’t seem to look anywhere else. Not with the way Cullen is staring at him.

“What do you think, Hawke?”

Garrett snaps his head around and looks at everyone else. “I’m sorry, what was the question?”

He sees Josephine stifle a smirk and Cassandra looks embarrassed but pleased. Leliana, in her usual fashion, has no shame. “I think Hawke was distracted by our Commander.”

Garrett grins and looks back at Cullen. “He _is_ very distracting.” Cullen blushes and sputters out a few sounds of protest but Garrett thinks he sees a pleased look as well. He finally manages to pull his eyes towards Leliana. “But, I’ll try to keep up.” She laughs and grins at Cullen who doesn’t seem to know how to react. “We were wondering what your thoughts were on Adamant.”

“I think the sooner we get there the better.” Not that he _wants_ to leave. But there’s more important things happening right now. “Things seemed to be developing quickly and the more we delay the worse things we’ll find.”

Mahanon looks across the War Table. “Leliana?”

“Adamant Fortress has stood against the Darkspawn since the time of the Second Blight.”

“Fortunately for us that means it was built before the age of modern siege equipment.” All eyes turn towards Cullen. Gone is the charmingly awkward man and in his place is the steely eyed, shrewd Commander of the Inquisition. It’s incredibly erotic and Garrett finds it difficult not to fantasize about this version of Cullen pinning him to the bed, but he tries to concentrate on the discussion. “A good trebuchet will do major damage to those ancient walls. Inquisition forces can breach the gate. But if the Wardens already have their demons…”

Leliana steps up and deposits a few scrolls of parchment on the war table. “I found records of Adamant’s construction. There are choke points we can use to limit the field of battle.”

Everyone moves forward to look at the diagrams. Cullen scans the map gauging the placement of their troops, missions that are currently underway, and what resources they have to spare. “That’s good.” He looks at Mahanon. “We many not be able to defeat them outright, but if we cut off reinforcements we can carve you a path to Warden Commander Clarel. It’ll be hard fought, no doubt about it, but we’ll get that gate open. Give the word Inquisitor, and we’ll march on Adamant.”

Mahanon nods and looks to his other advisors. “Does anyone disagree? Or have anything more to add?” Leliana and Josephine shake their heads and Mahanon considers his options. “Rally the Templars and Mages and get them ready to march. We’ll leave at first light.” He turns to Garrett. “Hawke, you and Stroud leave as soon as you’ve packed. Make sure the Wardens are still holed up at the fortress. If something has changed send a raven.” 

Garrett nods, knowing it means any plans with Cullen will have to be postponed. “We’ll leave by nightfall.” Mahanon nods and that’s his cue to leave. Garrett wants to look at Cullen but he doesn’t. He yanks open the large door and closes it behind him, walking silently through the passageway into Josie’s office and out to the main hall. All he can think about is finding a moment to say a proper goodbye to Cullen before he goes. 

**XXX**

They really should be leaving but Garrett can’t. Not yet. He thinks of everyone he’s lost over the last decade and vows there won’t be any more missed chances to say goodbye. He saw Bethany and Varric in the main hall so there’s only one person left. He climbs the stairs two at a time and knocks on Cullen’s door. “Yes?” Garrett opens it enough to slip inside and waits for Cullen to look up. “Garrett.” 

Cullen seems tense and rubs the back of his neck in a motion that Garrett knows means he’s nervous. It wasn’t the reaction he’d been hoping for. “I can’t stay long. Stroud and Dog are waiting for me at the gate.” He wants to cross the room and take Cullen in his arms, but now he isn’t sure that would be welcome. Confusion and disappointment form a tense knot in his stomach. 

“Yes, we always seem to be needed somewhere else.” Cullen seems uninclined to move from behind his desk and Garrett isn’t sure what to make of it. 

He wants to smirk and joke about a quickie being out of the question. He wants to cross the room and shake him, or take him in his arms and kiss him until he’s acting himself again. He stares at Cullen searching his face, but gets no clue to what’s going on in his head. “Guess that’s my cue to say farewell. Sorry to have bothered you” He turns and reaches for the door handle, unsure what’s going on. Cullen’s reaction is confusing and making the situation awkward, and neither are feelings he enjoys.

“Wait!” Garrett stops but doesn’t let go of the handle. “I… I’m making a mess of this.” He hears Cullen walk across the floor, and it’s enough. Garrett releases the handle and turns around, waiting for an explanation. “I’m sorry.” Cullen stops in front of him and reaches for his hand. Garrett let’s him take it, but doesn’t move otherwise. If Cullen wants to explain, he’ll listen. “I was thinking.” Garrett knows sentences that start like that usually don’t end well. “It’s all happening a bit fast, right? I mean, does this happen so quickly this often? Outside of Varric’s books, of course.”

Understanding floods him with instant relief. “Is it really that fast? We’ve known each other for years, even if most of it was purely professional, and neither of us is the same person we were back then.” He isn’t helping his case.

“This is all a bit crazy, isn’t it?” Cullen rubs his neck and looks into Garrett’s eyes.

“I happen to love crazy. Ask Varric.” Garrett pulls Cullen closer and kisses him lightly on the lips, letting out a shaky breath when it’s easily returned. 

Cullen grins into the kiss. “You must _really_ enjoy it.” 

It’s odd to hear the insecurity in Cullen’s words. He’s usually sure and professional. Guarded. That Cullen would show such vulnerability in front of him means more than just about anything else could. “I’m especially fond of your particular brand of crazy.” He slips his hand behind Cullen’s head and places another gentle kiss on his lips, followed by another, and then another, each one just a bit longer than the last. Between kisses he softly murmurs, “I don’t want to go. I want to climb that stupid ladder with you and take you in my arms and make love with you. I want to wake up tomorrow morning and see your handsome face so soft and relaxed as you sleep curled against me.” Now they may never have that chance. “It doesn’t seem too much to ask.”

Cullen rests his forehead against Garrett’s and sighs. “We must have faith we’ll both make it through this.”

Garrett nods but can’t shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen, and given his history it’s not unrealistic. “Cullen.” He pulls him closer and looks into his eyes. “I want you to know that I respect and admire you. I judged you harshly after Kirkwall and I had no right.” He strokes Cullen’s cheek with his thumb and let’s his voice go soft. “What I’m making a mess of trying to say is I care a great deal for you. And I don’t think it’s happening too quickly. I’ve wanted to know you better since I first met you. I know what I feel, and it doesn’t feel too fast to me.”

Cullen actually looks relieved and nods. “Good. I’m glad. I really didn’t want it to be too fast.”

Cullen seems as though he’s going to say something else but Garrett cuts him off. “Cullen.” His mouth is barely a hair's breadth away from Cullen’s now.

“Yes?” 

“Less talking. More kissing.” He barely finishes the words before Cullen growls and pins him against the door, mouths pressed together, hands frantically grabbing and caressing wherever they can reach. Neither is much for sappy goodbyes or useless requests to be safe. They’ve both been through too much for that. It’s understood that each will try to survive unscathed and that’s the best they can do.

Garrett ignores Stroud and Dog waiting for him at the gate, sliding his hand down Cullen’s back and across his hip, settling between his legs. He gently squeezes and smiles as Cullen inhales sharply and presses forward into his hand. In unspoken agreement there aren’t any protestations about time or place. None of it matters right now.

Cullen’s nimble fingers work Garrett’s pants open and wrap around his cock, stroking him perfectly. Garrett moans and manages a breathy, “Cullen, you’re going to have to explain how a Templar acquired certain expert” He gasps as Cullen teasingly tugs at him. “skills.” 

Cullen nips at Garrett’s lower lip and continues to stroke him. “Templars aren’t required to be celibate. Some choose that.” He grins wickedly into the kiss. “I didn’t.” Garrett exhales shakily as visions of Cullen with his Templar skirts hiked up around his hips, pounding into someone flood his mind and have him close to coming. 

He manages a very breathy, “You’re full of surprises, Commander.” It takes concentration but he manages to slide his hand inside the front of Cullen’s pants and wraps his hand around him, stroking quickly. 

“Garrett.”

“Yes?”

“Less talking, more kissing.”

He grips the back of Cullen’s neck more firmly and slides their mouths together. He wants to make Cullen moan, lose control, feel the same way he’s making Garrett feel right now, but it’s difficult to focus. Cullen strokes his tongue into Garrett’s mouth with expert precision. His touch, the firmness, the tension, the gentle tugs are pulling moans from him and making his body tremble. It’s as though Cullen already knows exactly what will give him the most pleasure. He tries his best to mimic what Cullen is doing and it earns him a groan and a firm thrust into his hand. It’s intoxicating. Making Cullen moan again is now a visceral need. He grabs a fistfull of his hair, firmly guiding his head to the side and bites the muscle at the base of Cullen’s neck. 

“Garrett.” Cullen’s voice is wrecked but his name sounds so good when he says it. “I’m close.”

“Yeah.” He’s just as close. “It’s alright. Let go.” He wants Cullen to come because of something he’s doing. Because _he’s_ the one stroking Cullen’s cock and kissing him. He drops to his knees, sucking him into his mouth. Cullen shouts once, thrusts his hips forward and Garrett moans as the salty warmth hits his tongue. It’s what kicks him over the edge and has him spilling into his own hand, muscle screaming with intensity. 

It takes a few moments for everything to stop spinning. He lets Cullen slip from between his lips and leans his head back against the door, trying to remember how to breathe. He eventually opens his eyes and Cullen is leaning over him, forearms against the door, looking just as dazed as he feels. He manages a drained chuckle and tries to stand. Cullen offers him a hand up and they somehow get their faces close enough for soft smiles and gentle kisses. 

“Alright?” He wants to take him up into the loft and start all over and kiss and touch and taste his way along every inch of Cullen’s body. He settles for another slow, sensual kiss, happy that Cullen seems to want the physical connection to continue as well. 

Cullen caresses his cheek and forces his eyes to focus, looking into Garrett’s with a quiet intensity that speaks to his soul. It may be a post orgasmic reaction but he feels an emotional connection to Cullen stronger than it was before. “So much more than alright.” Cullen grins and kisses him again. 

Garrett has the urge to tell him how he feels, but he’s not really sure what that is. It’s stronger than like. It feels incredibly intense. He knows it’s not love. Not quite yet. He stays quiet though, not wanting to say anything until he can define it better, and until he’s sure what Cullen feels. 

He smiles and closes his eyes as Cullen kisses his cheek, and then his forehead, and his other cheek, the tip of his nose, and both eyes before kissing him on the lips. He opens his eyes again and they both smile. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Cullen is being sweet and it makes his heart ache in a wonderfully sappy way. He nods and they manage to get themselves in a mostly upright position. He’s feeling a little wobbly and is impressed when Cullen manages to make it across the room to the weapons rack to retrieve a rag.

Garrett follows at a slower pace and takes the rag from him, cleaning up quickly and tucking himself away. Cullen puts his own clothes back in order and pulls Garrett close. “Thank you for letting me explain. I told you I wasn’t very good at this.”

“I thought you were quite skilled, actually.” He grins and Cullen smirks. 

“You know what I mean.” Cullen looks relaxed and almost easy in his own skin. “But yes, thank you for that as well.” Cullen nibbles gently at the corner of his mouth and it’s very distracting. “I suppose you need to leave. I shouldn’t keep you.”

Garrett sighs and brushes the tips of their noses together. “I want to stay. You must know I would if I could.” He realizes he’s never really felt those words more truly. When he left for Ostagar there was still a sense of adventure, of striking out on his own and being his own person. When he said something similar to Isabela they were true, but mostly because leaving meant taking on responsibility again. This time he doesn’t want to leave _Cullen_. He doesn’t want to go days without seeing him or hearing his voice. He’s going to miss Cullen, the person, and the ache in his chest is making it difficult to think.

“I know.” Cullen searches his face, possibly almost saying something, but changing his mind.

“I suppose we’ll see each other in a few days, at Adamant. I’ll come find you. If that’s alright.” He doesn’t want to assume that Cullen would be fine with that. His troops would be everywhere, and Cullen had said he likes to keep his personal business personal.

“Yes, please do. Or I’ll find you.” It was as much as they could give each other under the present circumstances.

Garrett squeezes him tightly and buries his face in Cullen’s hair. “I’ll find you. I will.” They stay like that for a few minutes and then Garrett finally pulls back a bit. “I need to go.”

Cullen nods and kisses him quickly. “Maker watch over you.”

Garrett pulls Cullen with him as he reluctantly backs towards the door. He slowly turns and opens it, slipping out into the growing darkness. He slides his fingertips along Cullen’s palm as the distance grows between them, until only their fingertips are touching, and then he takes one more step backward, and even that isn’t possible. Before he loses his resolve to leave he reluctantly drops his hand to his side and turns without looking back. If he looks he’ll want to rush back and take Cullen in his arms and there wouldn’t be any way he’d be able to leave again.

He hurries down the stone steps all the way to the lower bailey and rushes to the gate. Stroud thankfully makes no comment about how long he’s been gone and Dog sniffs him and gives him a chuff of understanding, head butting his leg before he mounts his horse. He silently leads them through the barbican and out through the main gate.

**XXX**

Garrett stumbles and catches himself as he’s unceremoniously dumped out of the Fade, the sickly green sky transitioning to the inky black of Thedas’ night. He’s trembling and still a bit panicked from the psychic aftereffects of the fear demon. He takes a moment to truly get his bearings and pushes as much of the alarm aside as he can. There is only one thing he cares about right now. 

He struggles to his feet and scans the nearest soldiers, looking for a specific face but not finding it. He has an overwhelming need to know that Cullen survived. He can’t deny how he feels about him anymore. Not after what the fear demon revealed. 

The Inquisitor stumbles out of the Fade moments later quickly destroying a horde of demons barreling down on them. Garrett hadn’t even seen them coming. There’s a moment’s delay and a fair bit of confusion before the nearby mage Wardens snap out of their trance. 

Garrett begins to feel a bit more in control of himself and he’s sure the mages are feeling something similar. “The spirit was right. Without the Nightmare to control them, the mages are free, and Corypheus loses his demon army.” He looks at Mahanon and takes strength from him. “Though as far as they’re concerned the Inquisitor broke the spell with the blessing of the Maker.” 

“They came out of this alive. As far as I’m concerned they can tell whatever stories they like.” Mahanon looks like he’s beginning to feel some relief as well.

“That’s how legends get started. Or, at least, that’s what Varric always says.” 

They are interrupted by the arrival of one of Leliana’s assassins. “Inquisitor, the archdemon flew off as soon as you disappeared. The Venatori Magister is unconscious but alive. Cullen thought you might like to deal with him yourself.”

Garrett feels the earth shift beneath his feet and only Mahanon’s steadying grip keeps him upright. Cullen is alive and well enough to be making strategic decisions and Garrett wants to laugh and cry with relief. He feels like he takes a real breath for the first time in days. “Inquisitor.”

He feels a gentle squeeze on his arm and Mahanon addresses the assassin. “Where is the Commander now?”

“Upper battlements, helping clear out the last of the demons.” 

Mahanon nods and turns to Garrett and gently pushes him in the direction of the stone steps leading out of the lower courtyard. “Go.”

Garrett nods and stumbles away at a half walk half run, still slightly off balance as the reality of the situation hits him. They both made it. They both survived against massive odds. Garrett scales the steps two at a time, stumbling frequently but stubbornly continuing upward. As he crests the top step he scans the scene. There are dead mages and charred remains of demons everywhere and a few battles are still being fought. But he doesn’t see Cullen. 

He stops one of the troops running past. “Where is Commander Cullen?” The soldier motions back the way he came and Garrett takes off at a run. He’s suddenly panicked at the thought that they both would make it through the larger battle only to have Cullen killed by a stray spell in a small skirmish. He has no idea how close he is but he needs to see him now. 

As he turns a corner he feels the slight buffeting of a Smite being cast and sees several troops taking down a few remaining mages. He stumbles to a halt scanning the area and hears Cullen before he sees him. “Well done Inquisition Troops!” Garrett’s head snaps around and he sees him twenty feet down the battlement, cape billowing around his body, determined look on his face. Garrett takes a breath before he embarrasses them both by closing the gap and flinging himself into Cullen’s arms. A cheer goes up from the troops and Cullen raises his sword in salute and, as if by instinct, turns toward where Garrett’s standing in the archway. The smile leaves Cullen’s face the moment he spots him. He sheaths his sword and strides across the battlement. “Garrett.”

Cullen wraps him in his arms and Garrett clings to him, his whole body trembling. He buries his face in the fur of his cloak and tries to let go of the last remaining shreds of fear. “You’re alive.” It’s stupid to say. Of course he is. But it helps to say it out loud.

“I thought… when you fell into the Fade with the Inquisitor I thought I’d lost you.” Cullen’s arms tighten around him and he takes a shuddering breath nodding. “Are you alright?”

Garrett shakes his head and clings more tightly to Cullen who doesn’t seem to mind. “It was awful. I don’t want to talk about it.” He takes another deep breath and things feel a little more solid. “You’re fine. You’re alive, and safe and it wasn’t real.” He knows he’s not making any sense but Cullen seems to understand.

“Have you seen the healers yet? Perhaps you should.” Cullen gently starts to extricate himself and Garrett reluctantly lets go. “Garrett. I’m fine. Other than being exhausted and in dire need of a bath. I promise.”

Garrett finally let’s him go and gives him a wane smile. “Fear demon in the fade. Bad stuff.” 

He doesn’t need to say anymore. Cullen nods, understanding crystallizing in his eyes. He takes his hand, leading him down the steps and through the maze of Adamant’s corridors and courtyards. They walk shoulder to shoulder, and the further they get from the main bailey the better Garrett feels. He’s not sure where Cullen is leading him but it doesn’t matter as long as he stays close.

When they leave the fortress, Garrett sees the encampment quickly being erected and wonders if Cullen is taking him to the healers anyway. They can’t help him. Not with this. The only thing to do is wait out the effects of the fear demon and hope it passes quickly.

They weave through the maze of smaller tents until they stop at a slightly larger version. Cullen lifts the flap back and ushers Garrett inside. It’s dimly lit with not much in the way of furniture except a small desk, a chair and a bedroll. Garrett flops into the chair and waits for Cullen to finish speaking with the guard, but he can only stay seated for a moment before he’s up and pacing the tent. His heart is starting to race and he has a queasy feeling in his stomach like something bad is going to happen. When the tent flap flips back and Cullen steps inside Garrett is across the space in moments, grabbing Cullen in a bear hug, heart hammering in his chest.

“Garrett, look at me.” Cullen gently cups his cheek and his smile is genuine and warm and seems very real. “I’m fine. We’re both alive. And this is most definitely real.”

“How can you be sure?” It sounds silly to say, but demons can be tricky.

“Garrett. I know what you’re feeling. I know the doubts and then questions and the worry. I _know_.” Cullen takes his hands and smiles. “Will you let me prove this is real?” Garrett nods, unsure exactly how he’s going to manage it, but willing to let him try. 

Cullen squeezes his hands and bows his head, taking a breath and Garrett watches his whole demeanor relax. “Maker, though the darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure. What you have created, no one can tear asunder. Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.” Garrett realizes he’s never heard of a demon reciting the Chant or calling out to the Maker. Not that he’s sure they couldn’t, but it isn’t their usual bag of tricks. And demons are definitely not normally so creative. But it _is_ something Cullen would know. Cullen, who’s smart and lived through a much worse experience and managed to find a way to tell demon from living, breathing people. 

Garrett squeezes Cullen’s hands and takes the two steps needed to press against him and kiss him. “The Nightmare kept telling me it would kill you. That you’d be dead by the time I escaped from the Fade.” Garrett rests their foreheads together and closes his eyes tightly to shut out the memory. “If it had…”

“Shhh. It’s alright. I’m here, alive, and I have you.” Cullen strokes Garrett’s cheek and ducks his head down to capture his lips in a gentle kiss. 

At least that’s how it starts, but Garrett’s emotions are all over the place and he quickly turns it desperate and needy. “I want you. Be with me. I need you so much.” He tries to unbuckle Cullen’s armor but his hands are shaking too badly. Cullen gently moves his hands away and unhooks the buckles himself, setting the plate aside before pulling his shirt over his head. Garrett’s heart is pounding in his chest as he watches Cullen move. He’s graceful and solid and Garrett’s fingers itch to touch his beautiful creamy skin. 

Cullen unbuckles his sword and places it on the desk as Garrett reaches out and hooks one hand around his hip pulling him close. “You’re beautiful. I thought so the moment I first saw you.” He slides his free hand along Cullen’s torso, splaying his fingers between the solid ridges of his abdomen. 

“Did you?” Cullen smiles and pulls Garrett’s shirt up and over his head. 

“Yes. Your hair was lit up by the sun, and your eyes looked like warm amber and they seemed kind. It sounds silly saying now, but I felt a connection, looking into your eyes, and I didn’t want to look away.” Cullen’s hands slide along his body making it difficult to breathe. “I love how you touch me. I want to feel your hands everywhere.” 

Cullen smiles and slips a hand into the back of Garrett’s pants and the other into his hair, resting at the base of his neck, effectively pinning him against his chest. “I thought you were rakishly handsome, with your dark hair and lively eyes, but I could tell you knew it.” Cullen grins as he leans in, bringing their mouths close, lips barely brushing, and Garrett wants to close the distance, kiss him hungrily, but Cullen holds him steady. “Say it again.”

Garrett isn’t sure what Cullen wants him to say again, but he wants to, whatever it is. He’s too focused on Cullen’s very distracting mouth and can’t quite pick out what he might want to hear. “You’re beautiful?”

Cullen chuckles. “That’s very nice, but I meant the other thing. I want to hear you say it again.” 

His voice is like warm honey, sweet, soothing and delicious and Garrett wants to drown himself in it. “I want you. I want you so much.” Garrett slides his hands down Cullen’s sides and grips his ass, grinding against him. 

His brilliant smile says he got it right. “How?” Cullen’s teeth gently scrape along his jaw and Garrett groans softly. 

Everything Cullen does is incredibly erotic and he’s is struggling to form words. “How?”

“Yes. You want me. But how?” With the tip of his tongue, Cullen licks a fine line down Garrett’s neck . “Do you want to have me, or do you want me to have you? Or something else entirely?”

“Oh, Maker.” Garrett tilts his head back and moans. He’s achingly hard and never in all his fantasies about Cullen had he ever imagined him being so relaxed about sex, so obviously well versed or so in charge. It’s intoxicating and arousing and so much better than his best fantasy. Garrett looks into Cullen’s beautiful eyes so there will be no misunderstanding. “I want you inside me.”

Cullen grins and nods, propelling them towards the bedroll on the other side of the tent. “Good. A man who knows what he wants. Now tell me, Garrett, how would you like me to do that?” Garrett shivers and opens his mouth to speak, then closes it, afraid to ask for what he wants, though Cullen doesn’t seem like he’d mind. In fact, it seems like he’s already figured it out. “It’s alright. I have you. I’ll take care of you.” 

Cullen kneels next to the bed roll and guides Garrett down to the ground, gently pushing him back onto to the bedding. The blanket feels rough against his back and the ground is uneven, but none of that matters. Cullen is smiling like he’s got a secret, and Garrett can barely catch his breath. In some ways it still feels like a dream. He reaches up and brushes his hand along Cullen’s cheek, stubble scraping against his palm. “You’re real. This is really happening.” 

Cullen leans down and kisses him slowly, controlling the pace and the intensity. Garrett sighs and slips a hand into Cullen’s hair, letting the soft slide of his tongue along the inside of his lip send sparks through him. He feels a gentle tug at the front of his pants and with little effort Cullen has them open and is working them over his hips. Garrett eagerly shoves them down his legs and kicks them aside, reaching for the front of Cullen’s pants, desperate to feel his naked body against his. But Cullen brushes his hand aside. “Not yet. Let me take care of you.” 

Garrett frowns and tries again but Cullen pins his hand on the ground by his ear. “Garrett, look at me, darling.” It’s the first time either one of them has used an endearment and it sends a swooping feeling through Garrett’s chest. “Do you trust me?” Garrett nods without hesitation. “I need you to say the words.”

“Yes, I trust you completely.” 

Cullen’s smile is brilliant and Garrett’s feels the warmth from it spreading through his chest. “Then trust me to take care of you now. Stop thinking and trying to control everything.” Cullen smiles again and Garrett nods, although he’s not sure he knows how to do that. Cullen smirks as if he’s heard the thought and lowers his head again. Garrett gasps and closes his eyes as Cullen bites the muscle at the base of his neck, gently sucking a bruise into the skin. 

“Ohhhhhh! Cullen!” He immediately forgets what he’s just said and tries to hold Cullen’s head in place, encouraging him to continue what he’s doing. 

“You like that. A little pain.” Cullen’s breath tickles his wet skin and Garrett’s already shivering with pleasure, needing more. But Cullen has other plans and is already kissing down his sternum and across his chest, capturing a nipple between his lips before Garrett can even manage to protest. The gentle sucking is nice but not quite enough until Cullen bites. Garrett gasps and arches up, electrified by the searing jolt of pleasure shooting straight to his cock. He feels Cullen’s lips curl into a grin even with his nipple firmly held between his teeth. “Yes, you like that.”

“Maker, yes!” He grips Cullen’s hair and begins to feel everything come into focus. “And so do you.” 

Cullen pulls back and looks up, eyes sparkling mischievously, and Garrett knows he’s memorizing each of his reactions. Which means he’s planning to do this again. Garrett moans and smiles as Cullen kisses his way across to the other nipple, sucking it between his lips before tugging with his teeth. He’s ready this time but it still feels as incredible. He tightens his grip in Cullen’s hair and tries to thrust against him. “Cullen, please. Stop teasing.” He’s so keyed up he feels like he’s going to explode into a million pieces. 

“Shhhh. It’s alright.” Cullen settles between his legs and props himself up on his elbows placing gentle kisses down Garrett’s torso. 

His attention is completely focused on each brush of Cullen’s lips. None of what they are doing is new to him, yet it feels like it. There is a tenderness in everything that Cullen is doing. A depth of emotion Garrett has never felt directed at him before and it makes his chest ache in the best way. “Cullen.” 

“You’re still thinking too much.” Cullen’s breath is warm against his abdomen and the trail of gentle kisses kisses as he moves lower is enough to wipe away any other thoughts. 

He gasps and pulls on Cullen’s hair as his mouth, so very warm and wet, sucks him in. “Shit! Cullen!” The pressure is perfect and Garrett tries to keep his eyes open to watch. Cullen glides his hands along the insides of Garrett’s thighs, fingertips teasing deliciously, but it’s his tongue that’s making Garrett moan. “Oh, oh shit. Cullen.” The tip of Cullen’s tongue is focused just at the sensitive spot below the ridge and Garrett moans loudly as his hips shake with effort to stay against the bedding and he fights not to come. “Cullen, please.” 

Cullen glances up, slowly letting him slip from between his lips, and crawls up to lay beside him and nuzzle against his neck. “We’re going to have to work on the proper meaning of letting go.”

“It feels too good, and I’ve wanted you for so long. I don’t want it to end yet.” He leans into Cullen and tries to catch his breath. “Please..” 

Cullen lifts his head and looks into his eyes and nods. “Alright, darling.” Cullen gets to his feet and walks toward the front of the tent and Garrett watches him move, seeing how gracefully he carries himself. He props himself up on his elbows, curious what Cullen is doing, and feels momentarily foolish when he grabs a bottle of sword oil from the rack and hurries back. It’s been awhile since he’s been with a man and he’d forgotten that there are certain considerations that need to be addressed in these situations, especially if it’s been as long as it has. 

Cullen sets the bottle on the ground and undoes the front of his pants, letting them drop to the ground before kicking them away. Garrett stares. Cullen is gorgeous, comfortable in his own skin, and supremely confident even in his nakedness, which only makes him even more attractive.

Cullen kneels next to him and pours some of the oil into his hand, coating his fingers before taking Garrett in hand again and stroking him. The slide is smooth and it only takes a few strokes before he’s aching again. He doesn’t want to be teased or wait any longer and pulls is legs up so his knees are near his shoulders, hoping Cullen will take the hint. He gasps with equal pleasure and relief when Cullen slides his fingers lower and circles the tips around his tightly puckered skin. He’s beyond ready and closes his eyes and silently begs Cullen to get on with it.

Thankfully he does. Cullen presses forward with the pad of one finger, gently sliding it inside him to the first knuckle. Garrett shivers with anticipation but opens his eyes when nothing more happens. Cullen is looking at him with concern and Garrett smiles and tries to thrust against his hand, but in his current position it’s not very effective. “Cullen, unless you want to make me scream in _frustration_ , would you please get on with it? I’m fine, I promise.” He barely finishes speaking before Cullen slides his finger all the way in. There’s no burn or stretch or pain and Garrett locks his eyes on Cullen so he’ll see that it’s fine. “More. Please.”

Cullen smirks and opens his mouth but Garrett grins back and cuts him off. “We’ll work on letting go. I know. But now? I want more. Please.” Cullen nods and replaces one finger with two and now Garrett can feel a stretch, but is good. He makes little noises of appreciation as Cullen strokes his fingers in and out and then louder noises when he adds a third. “Shit! Oh, yeah.” 

When Cullen leans down to kiss him, Garrett grabs the back of his neck and practically devours him, tongue stroking with each thrust of his fingers, thrusting against them until his body is relaxed and ready. Garrett looks at him and strokes a hand down his chest. “Cullen, please.”

Cullen kneels between his legs and pours more oil into his hand, thoroughly coating himself. Garrett’s heart is hammering. He wants this. He wants Cullen so much he aches. Cullen presses the head of his cock against him. “Alright?” 

His heart is racing and the anticipation is almost too much to take. He wants to scream for Cullen to move but he doesn’t. “So much more than alright.” 

Then Cullen moves. He’s a large man, with proportionate anatomy, and it’s been a long time since Garrett asked his body to do anything like this, so the initial stretch is a bit much. Cullen stops moving the moment Garrett squeezes his forearm. He smiles up at him and closes his eyes, breathing through the stretch and concentrating on letting his body relax again. He takes himself in hand and strokes slowly, letting the pleasure build little by little. Gradually he stops thinking about relaxing and his focus turns to the ache in his cock. He groans loudly as Cullen presses forward and resistance gives way to the exquisite feeling of being completely full. He opens his eyes and smiles reassuringly. Cullen visibly relaxes and smiles back. “Still alright?” 

Garrett nods wraps his legs around Cullen and rocks his hips up. “Yeah.” Cullen lets out a shaky breath and slowly begins to move. The stretch is significant, but it feels good. But Cullen is moving cautiously. Garrett growls frustratedly and pulls him in with his heels. “Cullen. Move, or I swear by all that’s holy I will flip you over onto your back and ride you until you drop.”

Cullen chokes out a laugh and blushes. “Maybe we can do that next time.” He begins to move and his smile fades into slack mouthed awe. “Oh, Sweet Maker.” Cullen takes several deep breaths and closes his eyes.

Garrett would laugh at the abrupt change in Cullen’s demeanor except he’s sure his face looks the same. “Good?” 

“Too good.” He’s blushing and his voice quavers, and although his hips don’t stop, he’s slowed down again. “You have me close already.”

“Please. You feel amazing.” 

Cullen’s blush deepens. “I won’t last.”

Garrett growls again and thrusts up against him. “I won’t either. I don’t care.”

They lock eyes and everything else fades away. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” 

Cullen moves faster, thrusting harder and Garrett feels the pressure building rapidly. Each snap of Cullen’s hips feels deeper than the last, making him see sparks behind his eyes. He can’t remember anything that ever felt as good as this. 

“Cullen.” Garrett reaches up and caresses his face, gently guiding him lower, needing to touch and kiss him. Cullen drops to his elbows and brushes their lips together, thrusting at a new angle and Garrett gasps, gripping the back of Cullen’s head, moaning against his mouth as he starts to lose the rhythm. “Oh, Maker! Cullen!” 

“Yes. Yes. Garrett.” His words devolve into staccato nonsense syllables and he thrusts so hard that Garrett feels it everywhere. It’s sweet, and beautiful and perfect in every possible way. He strokes himself quickly, chasing the feeling, getting closer until the edge is right there. He gasps as every muscle in his body seems to contract at once, the intensity making him shake as he gasps and comes with a roar. 

He’s not sure how long it actually lasts. Minor tremors continue to ripple through him as he flops back against the blanket, wrung out like nothing he’s ever experienced before. 

Cullen is draped across his chest and they are both panting and sweaty and Garrett can’t remember the last time he felt this alive. He wraps his arms around Cullen’s body, stroking his sweat drenched back, and kisses his damp brow, smiling exhaustedly at the tight curls framing his face. “You alright?” Cullen makes an indistinct sound but Garrett can feel his chest moving up and down so he know’s he’s breathing. They lay like that, content to just be, for awhile. Cullen’s weight grounds him and makes him feel safe.

Too soon for Garrett’s liking, Cullen groans and carefully pushes himself up with a gasp, flopping back down next to Garrett, before rolling onto his side and pulling him close. “Perfect. You?”

It takes him a moment to realize he’s answering the question he’d asked earlier. “Never better.” He kisses Cullen softly, too tired for much more than that. 

He feels a gentle stroke of fingertips against his cheek and opens his eyes, not remembering having closed them. “I’ll be right back.” Cullen kisses him on the nose and Garrett reaches for him, protesting when he slips away.

“Come back.” He hears water being poured and then a cloth being wrung out followed by more splashing. He tries to keep his eyes open but they’re too heavy. He thinks he hears sloshing of water against the sides of a container but it could be something else completely. He gasps as a warm cloth is placed against his abdomen, finally managing to open his eyes. Cullen smiles sleepily at him. 

Garrett struggles into a sitting position. “Here, I can do that.” He takes the cloth and soap from Cullen and quickly washes himself. Cullen pulls on his pants and opens the corner of the tent flap, pulling his pack inside. “How did that get here?”

Cullen blushes but doesn’t look away. “I had one of the scouts bring them here after we got back.” Cullen rubs the back of his neck and frowns. “I thought you might stay, if that’s alright.” 

Garrett smiles somehow managing to get his feet under him, and wraps his arms around Cullen. “Yes. I would like that. Although I can’t stay for long. I have to leave for Weishaupt tomorrow.” Cullen looks confused and Garrett realizes he doesn’t know what happened to Stroud. “Someone had to stay behind in the Fade to give everyone else time to escape. The Inquisitor chose Stroud.” 

Cullen pales. “Did everyone else make it out?”

Garrett nods and doesn’t mention it had almost been him who stayed. “The Wardens need to be informed and they’ll need some help regrouping.” 

“They’ll appreciate your help, I’m sure.” Cullen smiles, relieved, and places a hand against Garrett’s chest. 

“I’ll come back to Skyhold as soon as I’m done. I don’t know how long that will be though.” He feels sick saying the words, and he doesn’t want to go, but he’s really the only one the Inquisitor can spare.

Cullen seems to understand and kisses him softly. “You’ll keep us apprised of developments?”

Garrett leans in and rests their foreheads together. “I’ll write to you as often as I can. Will you write back?” 

Cullen blushes but smiles. “As often as I can. I’m afraid to admit I’m a horrible letter writer.”

Garrett grins and squeezes him lightly. “Does that mean you write infrequently or that your letters are poorly written?”

“Historically infrequent.” Cullen blushes. “I haven’t written to my sister in ages.”

“You have a sister?” 

“Two. And a brother. They moved to South Reach with my parents after the blight. I don’t write as often as I should.” 

Garrett leans back and holds his gaze. “Family is important, Cullen. You should write to them.” He smiles and gives Cullen a hopeful look. “And to me.”

Cullen nods and strokes Garrett’s cheek. “Alright. I will. I promise.” Garrett yawns and Cullen follows suit. “I think it’s time we got some sleep before we pass out standing up.” He reaches for the basin and dumps it outside.

Garrett digs in his pack for a clean pair of pants, pulling them on before placing his bedroll next to Cullen’s and falling onto it with a loud groan. Cullen turns down the lanterns and joins him. Garrett pulls him close, fitting their bodies together so Cullen’s back is pressed against his chest. “Good?”

He feels Cullen nod against his arm, “It’s nice. I like it.” 

“Good. Night Cullen.” He wants to say more, but they’re both tired, and he’s not sure what he wants to say. He’d probably make a mess of it anyway.

“Good night Garrett.” 

He buries his face in Cullen’s hair and falls asleep surrounded by the scent of elderflowers and oakmoss.

**XXX**

Garrett,

As promised, I’ve written to my sister assuring her I’m still alive. 

Things here are as busy as ever. The Inquisitor continues to travel frequently and the reports on my desk never seem to end. 

I hope you’re well.

Cullen

\---

Cullen,

When you said you were a horrible letter writer I had no idea that in addition to writing infrequently you meant the content would be as barren as the Hissing Wastes and as spicy as Ferelden stew. Although I love Ferelden stew. I suppose I’ll have to set the example.

I miss you, and I think about our night together often. The way you took care of me, and the things you made me feel, were beyond anything I’ve ever experienced with anyone else. I plan on discovering the depths of your very enjoyable talents the moment I return to Skyhold, so clear your desk because you won’t be out of bed for several days, at least. 

Please, take care of yourself. Get some sleep and eat something, for Maker’s sake. I know you aren’t doing either frequently, and you’ll need your strength.

Until I can be there in person, know that you have my heart, for whatever that’s worth.

Garrett

\---

Garrett,

I’ve taken your comments regarding my letter writing to heart and will endeavor to do better in future. Not surprisingly, Mia said almost the same thing about my letter to her. 

I am well, and have been eating more regularly. Sleep is a bit of a challenge. Most nights I see images that make me regret having closed my eyes. There are those rare nights, though, when I dream of you, and it makes the other attempts worth it. 

I miss and think about you as well. I find myself wondering what will happen after all of this is over, when the sky is closed and Corypheus is dealt with. When I left the Templars and joined the Inquisition I hadn’t thought much past its survival. But, things are different now. Because of you. 

I know we haven’t talked about a future. You and I have been through too much to believe it’s guaranteed. But if by some miracle we both live through this, I won’t want to move on. Not from you. I think you feel the same. I hope you do. Forgive me if I presume too much, but the thought of a life without you in it is a bleak prospect.

Be well, Garrett. And know that if I have your heart, you surely have mine.

Cullen

\---

Cullen,

I’m sorry your trip to Orlais was so miserable. It would have been so much better if I could have been there with you. I’d have found an alcove or two for us to use in the most scandalous ways. 

Unfortunately, now I’m thinking about all the scandalous things I want to do to you, and I”m too far away to do anything but deal with the result myself. Again. 

Lest you think I’m only interested in you for your gorgeous body, and it is gorgeous, please let me tell you without hesitation that I miss you. I think about you all the time. I think about your smile, and your laugh, how kind and smart you are. But every night I fall asleep alone, in a cold bed, remembering the feel of your beautiful body pressed intimately against mine, how good you felt, how you knew exactly how to touch me and make me forget everything existed but you. 

I want to spend hours kissing you and touching you, making you moan, giving you everything you want until you come so hard you see stars. I want to taste you, touch you everywhere, make you feel as good as you made me feel. And then I want to fall asleep in your arms, with you pressed against me, and wake up to your beautiful smile. 

Is it strange that I miss you as much as I do? I’ve truthfully never felt this way about anyone before. Including Isabela. I wrote to her about us. She and I both knew what we had wouldn’t be forever, although she was a bit surprised that I finally did something about _my terrible crush_ , as she put it.

I won’t even tell you about Bethany’s reaction, although given your proximity to her I suspect you might already know. I’ll just say there is no doubt she’s my sister, and lived up to the Hawke reputation. Even I blushed.

It gets more difficult each day to stay here knowing I could be there with you but for my own choice to set things right. There is a special kind of chaos here preventing any major change, but it also makes it easier to resume things as they were. This is all in addition to the fact that I’m not a Warden, so there is a certain percentage of those here who completely ignore my attempts to help.

I need to be where you are and I feel the pull to leave more strongly every day. I don’t imagine I’ll be here much longer, but until I’m with you again, you are in my thoughts and my heart.

Garrett

\---

Garrett,

We were not in Halamshiral for a social call, so unfortunately even attention from you, much though I would have enjoyed it, would have been an unwelcome distraction. Visits to alcoves would have been an impossibility. At least until the plot against Celine was uncovered and she was safe. I can’t say I would have objected after that. Thoughts of being alone in an an alcove with you, of what we would do in such a situation, has me quite distracted. I doubt any more of these reports will be finished this evening. 

I admit I’d wondered if you would write to Isabela, and if you did, what that letter would say. Is it horrible of me to admit I’m quite glad to hear that you made the decision you did? The two of you have quite a history and I wasn’t sure things would turn out as I’d hoped. Knowing that you’ve ended anything you might have had with her to be with me only makes being apart from you more difficult.

If you are able to resolve things to your satisfaction in Weishaupt, I will eagerly await your return. Be as safe as you can, my darling.

Cullen


	3. There, I Said It

There’s something off. Garrett can feel it in his bones. Skyhold looks the same, and he’s properly challenged as he approaches the first gate, but by the time he makes it through to the lower bailey the tension is gnawing at him. He slides off his horse and hands the reigns to the stable boy. “What’s happened?”

“The Inquisitor has gone off to fight Corypheus! He’s going to send him to the Void! That’s what Master Dennet says.” The boy looks up at Garrett with the surety of youth and Garrett nods, hoping he’s right. 

“Who did he take with him?” Skyhold seemed eerily empty and Garrett doesn’t like what it implies.

“Everyone! Even Master Dennet went to make sure the horses were cared for properly! I had to stay behind to tend to the other mounts. Master Dennet says it’s a big responsibility and I’m up to the task.”

“That’s enough Owain. See to the horse.” The words are blunt but said with no small amount of patience and affection. Garrett turns in time to see Dennett's apprentice jerk his head towards the stables. As Owain moves away the man nods to Garrett and turns away.

“Excuse me. Sorry, I don’t know your name. I’m hoping you can give me a bit more information about the Inquisitor’s departure.” Garrett tries to keep his voice light and easygoing but can’t tell if he’s succeeding.

The apprentice holds out his hand and Garrett shakes it. “I’m William. Master Dennett’s Head Groom. Actually Owain told you most of what I know. The Inquisitor left three days ago with most of the army and all of the advisors. Rumor is they’re marching to the Arbor Wilds. Oddly enough, I’m one of the highest ranking civilians left, so I suppose if there’s anything I can do for you just ask.”

Garrett nods and thanks him before he turns and walks towards the stone steps. It’s just his luck to be gone for three months and return only days after Cullen left on one of the few missions he’s ever had since arriving at Skyhold. There’s probably a raven waiting for him at Weishaupt and he wishes he had that note now. It may be the last words he ever receives from Cullen. The thought is frightening and makes him queasy but he’s never been one to kid himself. This is war and Cullen has gone off to battle. It was always a distinct possibility, and now all he can do is wait.

He heads towards the mage tower, hoping at least Bethany is still here. By the time he makes it to the top of the steps she’s hurrying across the upper bailey and he has just enough time to drop his pack before she flings herself at him. He holds her tightly, fighting the lump in his throat. He hadn't realized how much he’s missed her, and he feels guilty for it. “There’s my brilliant and beautiful sister.” He kisses the side of her head but doesn’t let up on his bear hug. “I was worried you’d left with everyone else.” 

He laughs and has to loosen his grip when she leans back and punches him in the shoulder. “That’s for leaving for so long and not saying goodbye!” She punched him again. “And that’s for holding out on me about Cullen!” She laughs and kisses his cheek. “And that’s for returning at the perfect time.”

He pulls back and looks at her face. She’s smiling but fighting back tears, and he can see the worry in her eyes. “Varric went too.” He feels like an ass for focusing on himself and not paying enough attention to her these past months. “I guess we’ll have to keep each other company until everyone returns, hale and whole.” Because there is no way he will even think about Varric or Cullen coming back in any other way. “And sorry I didn’t tell you about Cullen, but I left for Weishaupt just after dawn once the battle was over. I didn’t know where you were and didn’t want to wake you.” He gently set her down and picked up his pack, taking her hand in his. 

She shoulder bumps him and grins. “Well, you did leave me a letter, so you did try to say goodbye.” She bites her lower lip and looks up at him. “You know, we never really talked about it. You aren’t upset? About Varric?”

Garrett squeezes her hand. “How can I be upset that two people whom I love very much happen to love each other? Plus I’ve had time to think about it, and I’m glad you’ve both found happiness together. All I’ve ever wanted is for my friends to be happy. And maybe a little peace and quiet. No fighting. No demons! No end of the world looming.”

She laughs and hugs his arm. “So, you don’t want much.”

“Absolutely not!” He laughs and holds the door to the Herald’s Rest open for her.

She steps inside and they sit at a table near the kitchen. Bethany goes to the bar and orders food and ale and carries the mugs back to the table. “There’s only stew today. Limited menu with everyone gone.”

“Stew sounds great. Especially since I don’t have to catch or cook it.” He takes a large swig of his ale and puts his free hand over hers. “So how have you been?”

When she smiles her eyes twinkle and he knows she’s thinking about Varric. “Good. Very good. I’m truly happy here, although I think with Varric I’d be happy anywhere. It’s not the place, it’s the company.”

Garrett nods and takes a sip of his drink. “You deserve to be happy.”

“And what about you? How have you been? And what happened at Adamant? Obviously Varric told me a few things about the Fade, at least from his perspective. I guess everyone had their own personal experience, and if yours was anything like Varric’s you don’t want to talk about it. So I won’t pry.” She leans closer and smiles mischievously. “But I want the details on Cullen, now.”

Garrett grins. “Bethany, I don’t kiss and tell.”

“When did that change?” She laughs and shoves his ale closer to him. “Drink up and start talking.” She props her elbow on the table, rests her chin on her hand and waits.

Garrett finally gives in with a chuckle. “Fine. Where do you want me to begin?”

“Jump to after the battle. Everyone already knows you two are together after poor Jim saw you early in the morning, half dressed in Cullen’s loft. But the next morning after Adamant there were quite a few smirks and whispers about the very loud sounds coming from the Commander’s tent.” She dropped her hand and crossed both arms on the table, leaning towards him. “That good, huh.”

Garrett laughed and shook his head. “I am _not_ telling you the details of my sex life! You’re my sister, for Maker’s sake! Nor do I want to hear about _your_ sex life. So no thanks, before you offer that in trade!” 

She punched his arm. “Ewww! That’s not what I meant!” They were both laughing and it felt so good to be talking to her. He was his most comfortable, more himself , around her and Varric. And now Cullen. That made him smile softly and Bethany pointed at him. “That smile. Exactly! I want an explanation.”

“Of why I’m smiling?” The bartender shuffles out of the kitchen carrying two bowls and sets them down in front of them before shuffling back behind the bar.

Bethany watches until he’s mostly out of earshot then turns to Garrett, lowering her voice a bit. “No, you ass. An explanation of how it is that _Cullen_ makes you smile like that.” Her smile softens and she takes his hand. “Have you two discussed your plans? Are there plans? Do you want plans?”

Garrett fiddles with the handle of his tankard and thinks about the question. It’s been on his mind since he left Weishaupt and he probably should discuss it with Cullen before he says anything to anyone else. But it’s Bethany, so he gives her a little information. “We haven’t discussed specifics. But we have made it clear how we feel about each other.” He looks up and meets her eyes. “I wrote to Bela.”

Bethany sits up, eyes wide. “Garrett! Did you? What did you say? What did she say?”

“She understood. We wished each other well.” He squeezed her hand. “I really can’t say anymore. I want to talk to Cullen first.” 

She nods and places her hand over his. “You should. And then I want more details. But I’m so happy for you, Garrett. I’m happy that you have someone who makes you feel like that. Because you deserve it too.”

“And now I get to wait while he’s off fighting in a battle that I should be part of, because Corypheus is my fault.” She glares at him and he holds up his hands. “Our fault. Fine. And of course the only thing running through my head right now is I could lose him before we’ve even really have a chance to get things going.” His stomach clenches at the thought, but he sees in her eyes that she understands the feeling too well. “It’s been almost a year since you and I came through the front gates of Skyhold and I saw him again. And he and I have wasted so much of that time being complete asses.”

“Yes. You have.”

“Bethany, what if… What if things don’t end the way I want them to? What if the worst happens and…” he can’t finish the sentence.

She takes his hand and kisses the back. “They have to be alright. I won’t accept any other outcome. We’ve been through too much. We deserve our happiness and they will be fine!” Garrett looks at her, wanting to believe it, afraid to, but wanting it nonetheless. She gives him a defiant look and he eventually grins and raises his mug. “To the world being less shitty to us.”

“Here here!” They smack their mugs together, drain them and slam them down on the tabletop with a loud thunk. 

The barkeep begins to pour two more and Garrett sighs. He’s going to need something more than ale to keep himself occupied or he’s going to go crazy with worry. 

**XXX**

They’d stay at the Herald’s Rest and talk for a few hours, mostly sipping their ales after the first one. Bethany has lessons to teach and Garrett is tired after his many days on the road, so they say their farewells with a promise to meet again for breakfast. Garrett thinks about heading back to the room he’d occupied last time he’d been at Skyhold, but he’s not sure it’s free, and he can’t stomach the idea of being cooped up in such a small space. Cullen’s office and loft are only a few paces away, and there are lots of small things that will remind him of Cullen and make him feel close while he’s gone. He doesn’t think Cullen will mind. 

The stone steps feel like a vertical climb, and his pack feels like it’s loaded down with rocks. He struggles to reach the top, physical fatigue mirroring the emotional emptiness in his chest. He woke today thinking he’d finally get to see Cullen and instead he has to hope he gets to see him again at all. 

When he yanks open the large oak door he’s assailed by memories of the last time he was here. He steps inside and wanders around the office, picking up books and touching papers that Cullen must have. He’s tired and sliding towards melancholy. “Andraste’s flaming ass, Garrett! Get a grip on yourself.” 

He stomps over to the ladder and climbs like darkspawn are on his heels, tossing his pack in the corner and looking longingly at the bed. He could collapse into the softness and deal with his dirty clothes and body tomorrow, but he doesn’t think Cullen would appreciate that. With a dramatic sigh he pulls his shirt over his head as he walks to the basin. There are fresh washing cloths beside the pitcher of room temperature water. He’ll wash well enough to keep the linens clean, and head to the baths in the morning. Or after breakfast if he sleeps in. He pours water into the basin and wets a cloth, lathering it with Cullen’s soap, filling the room with the scent of of oakmoss and elderflowers. It reminds him of so much of Cullen that he has to fight the urge to press the bar against his nose. 

He pulls off his boots and strips down to nothing, washing the rest of his body and cleaning his teeth before flinging himself into the bed, too exhausted to do anything else. He pulls the blankets up and closes his eyes, holding one of the pillows tightly against his chest, pretending it’s Cullen, like he has so many nights before. Only this time, with Cullen’s smell surrounding him it’s a bit easier to pretend. He drifts off to sleep with a mix of emotions, hoping against hope he doesn’t wake to bad news.

**XXX**

“Your queen is in jeopardy, Garrett.” Bethany smirks and moves her knight, taking one of his pawns from the board. 

“You can have the queen. It’s my knight I favor.” Bethany rolls her eyes and waves at the board, urging him to get on with his next move. He smirks and looks at his options but is instantly distracted by the sounds of boots on tile and voices coming from the other side of the courtyard. 

He looks up just as The Inquisitor, Dorian, Varric and Morrigan come striding out of a room near the chapel. Garrett is too stunned at first to move, but he recovers quickly and he and Bethany are up and out of their chairs at almost the same time, closing the distance.

The group looks grim and exhausted, and Dorian is hovering near Mahanon in an overly protective way. “Well that was a bit too close for my liking. Perhaps next time we can skip the almost dying part of the escape. I’d also like to propose we avoid any further situations where a mad dash to safety is required.” 

Mahanon turns to Dorian and pulls him into a tight hug, kissing his temple. “You worry too much. We’re all fine. And we have the knowledge to defeat Corypheus now.” he looks to Morrigan. “We do have the knowledge to defeat Corypheus now. Right?”

Morrigan looks a bit dazed but she nods. “There is much to sift through, but that knowledge is here. I shall retire and begin my search.” Without another word she turns towards the steps at the back of the courtyard and Mahanon turns his attention back to Dorian. 

“See? It’s all worked out.” Dorian seems unconvinced but is definitely comforted by Mahanon’s easy affections.

Garrett can’t stand the suspense any longer. “Where exactly did you all come from? And where is Cullen?”

Dorian waves a hand toward the open door. “We came through the Inquisition’s eluvian. The Well was the key to opening it, thank the Maker or we’d all have been just a bit more dead than we currently are.” Dorian closed his eyes at some point and is leaning heavily against Mahanon who rolls his eyes and smirks.

“Alright everyone, time to rest and get something to eat. We’ll regroup as soon as the others return.” He turns to Garrett and his face is neutral, which Garrett doesn’t think bodes well. “We got separated from the main force. Everyone else is still back at the Arbor Wilds battling Corypheus’ army. I will send a raven immediately letting them know we’re safe, back at Skyhold, and hope they can reply soon with good news. Would you like to accompany me?”

Garrett nods and waits while Mahanon unwraps himself from Dorian and coaxes him towards the main keep. “I’ll meet you upstairs shortly. Why don’t you order us some food and a hot bath?” 

At the mention of warmth Dorian agrees readily and leans in quickly and presses his forehead to Mahanon’s before turning and walking toward Josephine’s office. Bethany and Varric are slowly making their way toward the main hall and she spares a quick glance at Garrett before she’s inside and the door closes behind her. He can’t help but feel a bit jealous but it isn’t their fault that his timing is bad. Garrett finally answers Mahanon’s question. “Yes, I’d appreciate that.” Not that a note will help, or ease his mind, or make Cullen appear any faster. But it’s something. And right now he doesn’t want to be alone, and he doesn’t want to impose himself on Bethany and Varric.

They follow the others into the keep and weave their way through Josie’s office, through the main hall and into Solas’ lair. In a few more minutes they release a raven from Leliana’s rookery, and Mahanon excuses himself. “I need to see to Dorian. But I’ll let you know the moment I hear anything.”

Garrett nods and stares after the bird until it’s not even a spec on the horizon. The ache in his chest is too intense to manage cordial conversation so he avoids the main hall or anywhere else he might run into people. He slowly walks down to Solas’ room then back across the battlement to Cullen’s office. Once inside he throws himself into the desk chair and absently fiddles with the papers on the desk. 

The helpless inactivity is making him crazy. He’s usually doing something, forcing some kind of change to solve his problems, but that’s not an option at this point. If he tries to make it to the battle site he’s as likely to miss Cullen on the road as find him in the Dales. He lets out a low growl and leans his elbows on the desk, knotting his fingers into his hair. He closes his eyes and breathes, trying to let his frustration go. It’s several moments before he opens them again.

He’s not reading Cullen’s reports, per se. Not intentionally anyway. But he catches his name written in one. Closer review shows it’s actually a letter from Mia. He feels a little guilty reading it, but not enough to stop.

Cullen,

I’m so glad you’ve found someone who makes you happy! And yes, of course you’re both always welcome here in South Reach. We’d be overjoyed to have you visit! There is plenty of room and you have nieces and nephews, not to mention brothers and sisters, and parents who would love to see you and meet Garrett. 

I know you make no promises, but he would be very welcome if you manage it.

Please remember to eat and sleep. If not for us, then for Garrett, so he isn’t worried for your health.

Everyone says hello and sends their love. Mia

His stomach is doing little flips. The prospect of meeting Cullen’s family both terrifies and excites him. The weight of it sinks into his chest and comforts him like nothing else but Cullen could. “You need to come back. I won’t accept anything else.” His voice reverberates off the high ceiling and he feels foolish talking at nothing. It’s suddenly too much to be cooped up and he yanks the door open and strides out onto the battlements, determined to keep moving until he’s too tired to do anything else but collapse into bed. 

He doesn’t worry about intruding on anyone in the other rooms along the route. Everyone is at the battle. Except him. It spurs him on to longer strides and a deeper scowl so that one by one the guards on duty move away when they hear him coming. He isn’t sure how long he walks the length of the keep but he makes the loop several times. The sun is significantly closer to the horizon by the time he turns the corner near Cullen’s office and sees Mahanon waiting for him. Dread fills him and nothing in Mahanon’s face gives anything away. “If you’re quite done scaring my troops, there’s been a return raven.”

“What did the note say?” Garrett couldn’t care less who he scares and he isn’t in any mood for delay. If the news is bad he wants to know now.

“I waited to open it until I found you. If you can spare the time.” 

Garrett takes a breath and checks his anger. None of this is anyone’s fault. Well, it’s Corypheus’ fault. Which in turn makes it his own fault for not really killing him the first time. “You’ve been around Dorian too much. His sarcasm is rubbing off.”

Mahanon smiles. “Not really. I’m just usually more diplomatic and hold my tongue. But the sarcasm is all mine.” He pulls a note from his pocket and raises an eyebrow. “Are you ready?”

Garrett glares and Mahanon takes pity on him and opens the note, scanning it quickly before handing it to him. 

Inquisitor,

The battle is over, and Corypheus and his army have left the field. The wounded are being tended to, and the army is regrouping before the return march to Skyhold. 

All advisors are alive and wounds have been healed. We will break camp immediately and ride for Skyhold within the half hour. I am leaving Knight-Captain Rylen in charge. 

I”m sure you’ll want to discuss next steps and strike while we have Corypheus on the run. 

Expect us within the next five days.

Cullen

Polite. Succinct. No extraneous words or frills. It’s so very Cullen. Garrett breathes a sigh of relief and drags his fingers through his hair. Five days. Maybe less. He can manage that now that he knows that Cullen is alive and uninjured. He nods to Mahanon and hands the note back. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. And in case you couldn’t tell, he’s pushing them to move faster than usual. It’s typically a seven or eight day journey. So he’s as eager to get back to you as you are to have him here.” Mahanon smiles and tucks the note into his pocket. “We’ll be dining in the main hall tonight. Why don’t you join us? I think you’re spending too much time alone and getting lost in your own thoughts. A little company will help pass the time.” Mahanon squeezes his shoulder and smiles. 

“I’ll think about it.” Mahanon nods and heads back down the steps leaving Garrett to determine how to pass what may turn out to be several of the the longest days of his life.

**XXX**

Garrett steps out of Cullen’s office and squints at the sun as it sends its first rays over the mountains. It’s an ungodly hour to wake up, but since he hasn’t really slept he’s not sure he can grumble about the hour. He stumbles to the wall and looks out at the road to Skyhold, not that he can make out much detail.

He moves back and carefully picks his way down the stone steps to the upper bailey. There are already a few others up and about, and they wave and smile as he passes on his way to the main hall. He’s halfway up the steps when the horn from the main gate sounds. Garrett whips his head to the right and watches the inner portcullis raise, unable to breathe or move. It takes several minutes before the sound of horse's’ hooves clatter through the space between the gates. Cassandra rides through first, followed by Blackwall and Josephine, then Solas and Cole. The Iron Bull and the Chargers ride through next and the lower bailey fills with boisterous noise and laughter. Sera and Leliana come through but there’s no sign of Cullen. He waits and watches and waits some more and the bailey is now filled with stable hands taking horses and servants offering warm beverages and food. It seems like hours before he hears a faint set of hooves on the grates over the din of the crowd, and Cullen rides into view. 

Garrett hurries down the steps, taking them two at a time, leaping over the final four altogether. He strides across the open ground but slows as he gets close, suddenly nervous as he remembers that Cullen has no idea he’s here. He also has no idea what kind of greeting Cullen would prefer. He’s a private person and might not appreciate any public display. 

It takes a few moments for Cullen to look up and see him, his expression changing from cool professionalism to shocked disbelief, to hunger. Cullen slides off his horse and tosses the reins to a stable boy as he tries to politely push his way past several people. Garrett watches with equal parts amusement and frustration as it seems like more people step in front of Cullen, blocking his way. Cullen makes one more frustrated attempt and then bellows in his loudest Field Commander voice. “Move!”

The people nearest him quiet immediately and clear a path quickly as all eyes turn to look. Garrett chokes out a laugh, butterflies swooping in his chest, as Cullen stalks across the ground towards him. He assumes Cullen will stop or slow his pace, but when that doesn’t happen Garrett braces himself. He’s swept into a tight bear hug and Cullen all but devours his mouth. 

Garrett makes an incoherent sound in the back of his throat and wraps his arms tightly around Cullen, keeping him close, returning the kiss with every ounce of passion and pent up worry that’s been gnawing at him. Cullen’s lips are demanding, his embrace almost painful, but it’s real and he’s here and nothing could be more perfect. 

The whistling startles them back to awareness, and the subsequent cheer has Cullen blushing furiously, but he’s smiling against Garrett’s lips. Garrett laughs and leans into him for support, unsure if his shaking legs will hold him. “I missed you.”

Everyone else goes back to whatever they’d been doing, some of them starting to wander towards the main hall, others to the stables to see to the horses. Cullen kisses him again, this time more gently; something less needy but no less intense. “I missed you too. When did you get back?” 

“I guess it was a day or so after you left. My timing is impeccable.” He gently rubs the back of Cullen’s neck and sees the tension in his face ease. “Are you alright?” 

Cullen nods. “I’m tired, and hungry, and in need of a bath, but otherwise I’m fine. Better than fine with you here.”

“Well, then, let’s get you fed and washed and into bed.” He leans closer and places small kisses on scar over Cullen’s lip. “And then maybe after we’ll see about rest.”

Cullen grins, pulling him closer. “We may have to reverse that last part. I’ve had very little sleep in the past few days and I think once my body lies down I might not be able to stay awake.”

“Fine. Food, bath and sleep.” Garrett grins mischievously and backs up, taking Cullen’s hand and leading him towards the steps to the kitchen. “You’ll need all three for what I have in mind.”

**XXX**

“Alright girl, fetch!” Garrett throws the stick and watches Dog take off across the lower bailey, covering the ground in a matter of seconds.

“Thank the Maker she’s on our side. I’d hate to have to try to outrun a Mabari!” Garrett turns and grins as Bethany descends the stairs, coming to stand next to him. He slips an arm around her shoulders and she grins up at him. “You’re looking well rested. I’d have thought you’d look a bit more tired after Cullen’s return. Especially after your very public welcome home.” 

Garrett steps back and gives her a shocked look. “Bethany! I have no idea what you mean.” He laughs and gives her a wink. “We managed to work some sleep in, and there’s a lot to be said for energizing the body through physical exertion.” 

“Ewwww!” Bethany laughs and Dog trots over, dropping the stick at Garrett’s feet, chuffing a welcome to Bethany and head butting her until she laughs and scratches behind Dog’s ears. Her eyes sparkle and her grin is equal parts joy and mischief. “Everyone’s talking about how the usually stoic Commander is head over heels in love with the Champion of Kirkwall.”

“I’m not sure about the head over heels part.” Garrett can’t keep the goofy grin from his face though. He’d never expected quite so enthusiastic a greeting from Cullen but it will be a memory he cherishes for a very long time. 

She looks up and rolls her eyes. “Oh, please. He’s so in love with you it would be embarrassing except you’re just as in love with him. The looks you two give each other make my teeth ache!”

Garrett grins and a giddy happiness bubbles in his chest. “Well, he hasn’t said anything.”

“And have _you_?” She gives him a sideways look.

“No. But in fairness, I was in Weishaupt for longer than I care to think about, and it’s not something to put in a letter when you haven’t discussed it in person.” He looks at her through the corner of his eye, trying to gauge her reaction. “He’s only just returned from the Dales, so there hasn’t really been time.” 

For his part, Garrett knows how he feels about Cullen. He’s been thinking about it for awhile, and returning to Skyhold to find Cullen gone to battle, knowing he might not come back solidified just how strong his feelings for him are. Last night was a very good indication that they both feel the same way, and it gives him confidence to want to speak plainly with Cullen about his feelings. But he wants to say something when the moment is right. He wants Cullen to know he means it and it isn’t just something to say after sex, which is why he hasn’t already told him.

“Oh sweet Maker!” Bethany throws up her hands and gives him a disgusted look. 

“Well, have you told Varric how you feel about him?” Garrett feels ridiculous for even asking.

Bethany snorts and tosses the stick for dog. “Yes. Ages ago. And Varric told me first so don’t even talk about a male female thing. _We_ act like grownups.” 

She smiles to take the sting out of her words but Garrett gets the message. “You know,” He’s cut off by a loud crack and a blinding flash. He covers his eyes and pulls Bethany close, looking up only when a few moments pass and nothing more happens. Everything is bathed in a green light and Garrett’s stomach drops. “Fade rift. It’s close.” That can’t bode well. He let’s Bethany step back and calls dog who is barking and growling at the sky. “I need to find Cullen.”

She nods and starts up the stairs. “I’ll find Varric.” She stops a few steps up and turns back to him. “I love you Garrett.” She smiles and holds out her hand and he squeezes it.

“I love you too. Now go on.” He waves her on and watches her until she crests the top of the stairs and disappears through the arch into the upper bailey. He turns to Dog and jerks his head towards Cullen’s office. “You coming?” Dog barks once affirmatively and Garrett heads to the steps in the outer wall.

He’s opening Cullen’s door moments later, but there isn’t anyone there. He steps inside and closes the door. “Cullen?” He quickly climbs the ladder but he’s not there either. Garrett slides down and walks to the far door, yanking it open, Dog following close behind. “Where is he?” She barks and Garrett rolls his eyes. “Well, obviously he’s not there. I was hoping for a suggestion of where he might be.” She barks twice and he nods. “Yup. War Table or Chapel. Makes sense.”

They walk along the battlements and Garrett takes the steps down into the courtyard, turning right and heading to the small chapel near the gazebo. He hears Cullen before he sees him and motions for Dog to wait outside. “Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker’s light, and nothing that he has wrought shall be lost.” 

 

Cullen must hear him because he stops praying and turns his head slightly, waiting. Seeing Cullen on one knee before the statue of Andraste does more to fill him with trepidation than knowing the sky has opened again. “A prayer for you?” He tries to make it sound casual but it falls flat.

“For those we have lost.” Cullen turns and looks right at him. “And for those I’m afraid to lose.” Garrett walks towards him and Cullen stands. “We must draw strength wherever we can.”

Garrett glides his palm along Cullen’s jaw, feeling the scrape of two day old beard against his skin. He can smell the oakmoss and elderflower of his soap and see his pulse beating in his neck. “I thought I’d lost you when I arrived and you were gone. For a minute I was sure I would never see you again, and it made one thing very clear to me.” He steps closer and can hear Cullen’s breathing quicken and feels his own heart beating rapidly. 

Cullen is looking into his eyes, searching for something, and Garrett silently prays that he finds what he needs. Almost hesitantly Cullen asks, “What is now clear to you?”

There is a gentle knock on the door behind them and they both turn. Mahanon steps into the chapel, brows drawn together and eyes full of regret. “I’m sorry to interrupt, truly. But it’s time. We’re heading to Haven. No sense in delaying any longer.”

Cullen steps back and assumes the bearing of the commander of the Inquisition forces. “Yes. Exactly. Who will you be taking?”

“Almost everyone. I think we’ll need several kinds of assaults to win. I’m leaving you, Leliana and Josephine here, but everyone else will come with me.” 

Mahanon looks as though he expects an argument, and Cullen’s jaw does clench, but he nods once. “Alright. Maker watch over you, Inquisitor. May he guide your hand and may you be victorious.”

Mahanon holds out his hand to Cullen who takes it without hesitation and shakes it firmly. Mahanon then shakes Garrett’s and smiles. “I hope to see you both soon. If not, hold the fort.” 

Garrett nods, unable to say anything in the midst of his relief that Cullen won’t be going. But Varric is, and Bethany will be worried. The thought sends a chill through him and he finds his voice. “We will. Let us walk you to the gate.” 

Mahanon nods and leaves the chapel, Dorian stepping out of the shadows to join him. Garrett takes Cullen’s hand and squeezes once before letting it go, allowing him space to maintain a professional aire should any of his troops be near. He manages a few steps towards the door before he feels Cullen’s hand in his. Garrett stops and looks back. Cullen smiles and leads him out of the chapel, lacing their fingers together, and Garrett quickens his pace so they are walking side by side, dog trailing behind them silently. He glances over and catches Cullen’s eye and feels a gentle squeeze on his fingers. “I promise we’ll finish our conversation soon. I would very much like to hear what you were going to say.”

Garrett smiles and nods. “I would very much like you to hear it.”

They walk through the main hall and out into the upper bailey in silence, the mood heavy with a feeling of finality permeating everything. This will surely be the last battle, one way or another, and he isn’t sure if he’d rather stay behind and wait for news with Cullen or go with the Inquisitor and be thrust back into battle.

They step into the lower bailey and hurry towards the gate where the Inquisitor and his party are mounting up. Mahanon looks at everyone and smiles. “My friends, and I do consider each one of you a friend, it has been an honor to fight alongside each of you. With any luck we’ll win the day and close the rift once more, ending this nightmare.” He looks to Cullen, Garrett, Josephine and Leliana. “Hold Skyhold no matter what. We can’t lose the fortress.” Cullen nods. Garrett feels a slight squeeze of his hand and he knows they’ll defend Skyhold with their lives if they must. Mahanon nods in return, wheels his horse around, and rides out of the gate. 

They stay in the bailey until both gates are shut and the riders are well across the bridge. Leliana looks grimly determined. “I will be in the rookery if you need me.” She offers nothing more and climbs the stairs to the upper bailey. 

Bethany crosses her arms against her chest and kisses Garrett quickly on the cheek, giving Cullen a quick smile. “I’ll be in my room.” She doesn’t say much else and Garrett lets her go, knowing she wants to be alone, for now.

Josephine clasps her clipboard tightly and turns to go. “Do either of you need anything before I return to my office? There will be many letters to send no matter the outcome of the battle and I should begin preparing.”

Cullen shakes his head. “No. I think we’ll be fine. We’ll be in my office or up on the battlements watching for… well, something. Send a runner if you need me.” 

Josephine nods. “Gentlemen.” She heads towards the main hall and Cullen and Garrett walk towards the outer wall. Neither says a word, but by unspoken agreement they stay close. 

The wind picks up as they crest the stairs, and it blows Garrett’s hair across his eyes. He brushes it back and looks towards the dark mountains looming between them and Haven. “How long do you think it will take them to get there?” 

“It’s a little over a day’s ride. It took us three on foot to get here.” Cullen looks towards Haven and then heads towards his office. “Come on. No sense standing out here for a day. I’m sure we’ll know when the battle begins.”

Unfortunately Garrett is all too sure he’s correct. It’s bound to be a nasty fight and he feels guilty for, yet again, being safe in Skyhold with Cullen and Bethany when their friends are facing down a monster he let loose. Cullen sits at his desk and stares at the papers before frustratingly shoving them to the side and pulling out a bottle of wine and a chess set from his bottom drawer. “Which?”

“Both?” Garrett pulls up the only other chair in the room and opens the chess set while Cullen uses a knife to open the wine.

“Excellent choice.”

By unspoken agreement they don’t continue their conversation from the chapel. To Garrett it somehow feels disrespectful to talk about their feelings and future when they are safe and their friends are not. He thinks Cullen is feeling something similar. So instead they play chess, only breaking to eat something and then finally to sleep. Garrett very deliberately wraps himself around Cullen, holding him close.

They wake early and the next day is spent in an almost surreal fashion, going through the motions of a typical day. Garrett exercises Dog, and he and Cullen spar for a bit trying to work off the almost palpable nervous energy. Cullen makes a valiant effort to wade through the reports on his desk, and Garrett lends a hand with the less sensitive documents. They eat, Garrett checks on Bethany a few times, and it’s all feels so strange.

Then it begins. He and Cullen are walking the battlements just as the sun sinks behind the mountains and the earth begins to shake. Garrett looks at Cullen and sees the shock they’re both feeling written on his face. They stare at the horizon and watch in horror as chunks of earth, massive boulders, and even small mountains rip from the ground and soar into the sky. Bright green bolts of energy arc across grey clouds and are countered by sickly red beams of electricity. They can’t really tell what’s happening, or who is winning but it is a fast and furious battle if the flashing lights are any indication. 

It goes on for what feels like hours before a large shape swoops towards the battle. “Dragon!” Garrett points and Cullen’s head snaps up to look. 

There is a moment where Garrett fears this might be the end, but then another dragon dives in and chases the first. “That’s Morrigan.” Cullen’s face is grim, but he doesn’t look surprised.

“Part of the plan, then?”

Cullen nods, intent on watching the drama unfold, but Garrett isn’t sure which battle front to watch. Mahanon must remain alive to defeat Corypheus but the dragons could tip the battle either way. The choice is rendered moot as the Morrigan dragon latches on to the first and they plummet to the ground almost on top of where the Inquisitor seems to be. But there are more arcs of light from several angles and the dragon doesn’t reappear in the sky. Garrett holds onto hope that things will go their way. 

The ground fight goes on for several more minutes before a huge red bolt of energy soars upward and explodes near the top of the peak. It’s immediately followed by the breach expanding and Garrett watches in horror, silently willing the Inquisitor to win. He knows Cullen is furiously praying the chant in his head. It’s all they can do and he feels so helpless. It dawns on him that this must be what Bethany and his friends felt as he fought the Arishok, so close yet unable to do a Maker damned thing to help. 

He’s tight lipped and grim faced as he watches more bolts of different colored energy arc back and forth, exploding and sending chunks of floating earth plummeting to the ground. The fight seems to be at the top of the peak and the beams are flying infinitely faster. He can’t help but feel they are reaching the end. He silently hopes so, and that they end victorious, but without any idea of the battle details he can’t tell if anyone has the upper hand.

A massive bolt of green energy shoots into the sky and connects to the breach with a loud bang. The earth shakes again and Cullen heaves a sigh of relief,. “Thank the Maker.” 

There’s no mistaking the Inquisitor’s signature rift closing energy and there’s an even larger burst of power near the ground. The rocks and mountains floating in the air plummet back to the earth as the laws of nature begin to reassert themselves. They stare in silent horror wondering if anyone could have survived the descent. “Shit!” Garrett looks at Cullen. “We won. Right? The sky is closed and the Inquisitor was victorious?” 

Cullen shrugs. “Yes. Though we won’t know about casualties until our people return.”

There is a sudden flapping of wings and several ravens swoop past them, flying towards the battleground. Garrett looks back towards the rookery and thinks he catches a glimpse of Leliana but he can’t be sure. “It seems Leliana isn’t that patient.” 

The moonlight and the afterglow of the breach are all that light up the night sky now. The wind seems to have died down to a gentle breeze and Garrett is suddenly desperate to finish their conversation from the chapel. He turns to Cullen and takes his hand, pulling him so they are facing each other. He takes Cullen’s other hand and holds both tightly. “Cullen.” Garrett leans forward and rests their foreheads together. “I don’t ever want to be without you.”

The air is once again charged, but this time with promise and sweet unspoken words. Cullen seems to understand where Garrett is taking the conversation and nods, briefly closing his eyes. “I have never felt anything like this.”

“I love you.” It’s scary to say out loud, and his voice wavers a bit, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

The smile on Cullen’s face is sweet and pure and almost shy. “I love you too.”

Garrett closes the distance, kissing him softly, heart fluttering as Cullen returns the kiss with a sweet eagerness that makes his heart feel light. The kiss slowly comes to an and Garrett smooths a non-existent wrinkle from Cullen’s cloak. “Thank the Maker! I wasn’t sure what I was going to say if you felt otherwise.”

“I’m sure you’d have thought of something. You’re rarely at a loss for words.” Cullen grins and Garrett pretends to be offended.

“Who would have thought the uptight Commander of the Inquisition would be so full of sass!” Garrett laughs and slides his arms around Cullen. “Or so many other wonderful surprises.”

Cullen smirks and raises an eyebrow. “I have a few more in reserve in case you ever grow tired of me.”

Garrett stops short, worried that Cullen believes he could get bored with him. “I’ll never grow tired of you.” He caresses Cullen’s cheek and kisses him sweetly. “I will grow old with you though, if you’ll let me.”

“Let you? As if I would want anything else.” Cullen smiles and shakes his head. “You’re ridiculous.” The kiss Cullen presses to his lips is chaste but so full of love Garrett feels a lump forming in his throat. “Have you ever visited South Reach?”

The question takes him by surprise, but he remembers the letter on Cullen’s desk and shakes his head, blinking away the prickling behind his eyes. “No. Is it nice?”

“Yes. You could come with me when I visit my family, and find out for yourself.” 

Cullen looks so hopeful that Garrett can only grin and nod. “I would love to meet your family.”

“Thank the Maker, because Mia has been pestering me for months about bringing you to meet them.”

Garrett laughs and tightens his embrace. “That’s pretty serious though, meeting your family.” He looks into Cullen’s eyes and tries to see what he’s feeling. “Are you sure?”

“I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I love you. I want to be with you, and I want my family to meet you.”

Garrett’s heart is beating rapidly in his chest and his hands are shaking as he cups Cullen’s jaw and kisses him slowly. They are going to make a life together. He’s going to meet Cullen’s family. It’s everything he never thought he’d live long enough to have. There will be loose ends to tie up, and arrangements to make, but it’s something real now and not just a dream. He looks into Cullen’s eyes, and smiles. “When do we leave?”

 


End file.
